JesusWalk Bible Study Forum: Q4. Being Considerate - JesusWalk Bible Study Forum

Q4. (3:7) Why should a husband relate to his wife with knowledge and wisdom? In what way does this demonstrate love? In what way does this demonstrate self-interest? Why do men sometimes try to dominate their wives? Why do wives sometimes try to dominate their husbands? What harm does this do? How is domination of another person contrary to God's nature?

Without knowledge and wisdom one acts on pure emotion which is selfish. Widsom and knowledge demonstrates understanding and appreciation of the differences between a man and woman. Just like Christ was loving to His church, so must man also be to his wife. Man must use Christ's selfless love as a guide to his relationship with his wife. When man thinks as a man does he will be selfish and ego satisfying which translates to dominance not subservience. Jesus was a servant to His disciples demonstrating a loving and humble spirit. Domination is the opposite, thus it is not of God.

Another nice answer by "kas". I would just say also how do you like to be treated? "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
I have a note in my Bible "submission means to be committted to and understand your role". There is only one God and we are not Him so we should be very careful in how we carry out our roles.
Has anyone seen that bumper sticker There is only one God so stop appying for His job (or someting like that)? Anyway I think its appropriate to this day and age for all of us.

God bless,
Jen

Q4. (3:7) Why should a husband relate to his wife with knowledge and wisdom? In what way does this demonstrate love? In what way does this demonstrate self-interest? Why do men sometimes try to dominate their wives? Why do wives sometimes try to dominate their husbands? What harm does this do? How is domination of another person contrary to God's nature?

The husband must know his wife--what she believes, what irks her, and what pleases her. If he loves her, paying attention to what makes her especially "her" demonstrates that he truly loves her enough to think about what makes her special. Love considers others before it considers oneself! That means being willing to put a deeply held desire of the mate before your own wants. Yes, and it also demonstrates "self-interest!" When your wife knows her husband values her enough to think of her desires, she will love him more and show that love to him. Why do either of them try to dominate the other? Some people just want the feeling of power they get when they force another to bend down their head and give in to their mate's domination! The harm is immense. Instead of feelings of love because the other one shows his/her love by being considerate of the other's feelings, they sense the lack of love that domination demonstrates!
Domination is contrary to God's nature because He says "love one another," and consider the other before yourself. Be a servant to one another. And even in this passage, it speaks of the fact that the two are equal before God. Therefore, for one to force his/her will on the other is contrary to God's word.

Husbands should act as "servant-leaders" in the same manner Jesus did (Philippians 2:5-11). The love they should show is agape love - chosen and willed love, seeking the best possible situation for everyone. Of course, there is a little self-interest - it is best for me personally if the relationship with my wife is good because I chose agape love (nothing wrong with that). Men and women try to dominate one another because we have not learned the principle of servant leadership that Jesus taught and modeled. We are sinful and imperfect, not what God wants us to be

Quote

[color="Blue"]4a. Because this is how God relates to us. We were all created in His image.[/color]
4b.  In what way does this demonstrate love?
[color="Blue"]4b. We are all of value in His eyes.[/color] [color="Purple"]"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9[/color]
4c.  In what way does this demonstrate self-interest?
[color="Blue"]4c. The self-interest would be having a relationship that is edifying (strengthening) for yourself. Having a mutually edifying relationship will do that.[/color]
4d.  Why do men sometimes try to dominate their wives? 4e.  Why do wives sometimes try to dominate their husbands?
[color="Blue"]4d. & 4e. The motives of both are the same. The relationship is not of the "agape" love - the self sacrificing love that Jesus demonstrated to us and exhorted us to show for one another. The relationship has bogged down into that secular, worldly way of "What's in it for me? How can I get the most out of this person?" It is a relationship of exploitation, not edification.[/color]
4f.  What harm does this do?
[color="Blue"]4f. It uses a person and does not build them up. I guess I would say, look at the failures of marriage today; including our very brothers and sisters in the faith. We as a body have not led the example to the secular world in reflecting God's love for us in our marriages. [/color]
4g.  How is domination of another person contrary to God's nature?
[color="Blue"]4g. [/color][color="Purple"]"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."[/color][color="Blue"] Domination of a person is not love. The verse that speaks to me the most as a husband, and shows that we, as men, in the relationship have a higher calling is:[/color][color="purple"] "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.." (Ephesians 5:25)[/color][color="Blue"] Because we (men) have been known to be real jerks from time to time!![/color]

Pastor Ralph, on Mar 4 2004, 10:51 PM, said:

a) Having been married for almost 25 years now, I have come to the startling conclusion that women are incomprehensible. My wife is sometimes exasperated that after all this time I still don't get it. I confess, I don't get it. However, I say that to make the point that God made us this way. I found out that its not just me, it seems all men are like that , women are a mystery, illogical, emotional, mushy and complex (in my humble opinion). My wife complements me, she makes me whole. When God formed Adam he was complete, but God took a part of him and formed woman who when joined back with Adam, would create one entirety again. As I give myself to her and focus upon her I am becoming more sensitive, empathetic and outward focused. Therefore as I relate to my wife with wisdom and knowledge I grow and we grow and become the one entity that God intended us to be. I understand some thing through God's Word in regard to my responsibilities as a husband and I try to walk in that. I attempt to treat my wife who also is God 's precious child in accordance with the pattern laid out in the Word. I have found that every day, every year our love grows and deepens and matures.
The Bible states Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" When I lay down my own life for my wife to understand her to draw her in, to deny myself so that she might be built up I believe I am walking the way Jesus would want me. John 15:13 "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
c)I suppose this demonstrates self-interest in that a happy wife make a happy husband. Besides our Father thinks she's pretty special and wants me to watch out how I treat her.
d) I'm sure ther's a whole list of reasons why a man would try to dominate his wife and vise-versa. It's sad that they are missing out on what they could have in a mutually sacrificial relationship. Giving one's self to another is not an easy thing to do but the rewards are bountiful. Fear, wounds, distrust, but ultimately it is selfishness that keeps us holding on to ourselves and our interests. We know what to do, if we can't do it for some reason , pray, and pray with your spouse until victory comes, and it will. It is a perversion of God's perfect order in the marriage for one to dominate. The Spirit aligns us in the proper order as we keep our focus on God. We are to serve, not lord it over one another. Matthew 20:25 "...Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them :26 But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister :28 Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many." It is foolishness to the world to lay down your life, to humble yourself, to take the lower seat and prefer another before yourself. We can't bring that thinking into the Body let alone a marriage.
e)The harm caused by the domination of another breaks trust between them and hence fellowship. When one person perceives that they are being manipulated by another for the other's selfish ends, barriers are formed to be on one's guard. If the other will do this in one area, how can we trust them in any area? Especially in important matters of the heart. This will damage a marriage and cut off communication. If one person simply goes along with the other then they are doing the will of that other and not the will of God. God will not be party to the willful manipulation of one over another. In any case the movement of God's Spirit is hindered in that relationship and it is centred in the flesh.
f)I think I touched on how the domination of one over another is contrary to God's nature. Philippians 2:7 "... made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men" Jesus is meek and lowly of heart, not domineering and demanding.

When we speak about domination, we are back onto that subject of submission and why human beings don't like to submit. We sinfully want to be in control of our lives, and if all else fails "at least I can be in control of my spouse." But when we see another person as something to be controlled and manipulated, we aren't seeing them as God meant them to be: co-heirs of the Kingdom! We aren't to subjugate our spouses; we are to submit ourselves one to another.

Husbands should be considerate of his wives need and not be selfish. He should show love just as God loves the church.

God demonstrated love toward us by giving his only Son. God was not selfish, He was aware of our need.

Men try to dominate their wives for selfish reason and a lack of understanding what it means to be the head. Jesus is the head of the church but He also showed us how to be a servant. What a great example for all to follow.

We are equal in our standing before God and promises for the future. Thank God!

1. The wife is the weaker partner and so that nothing will hinder the husband's prayers.

2. God will judge them if they misbehave toward their wife.

3. To show they are boss.

4. They want to be boss.

5. Causes conflict of interests.

6. We are to have the "servant" nature toward one another.

There is more benefit in doing anything, including business, with knowledge and wisdom. Every family member will benefit under knowledge and wisdom. After all, Jesus cried out from the cross that we be forgiven our ignorance ("Father, forgive them, they don't know what they do".) Marriage was considered so important to the Old Testament Jews that a soldier who married was required to take a year off, to learn to please his wife!

A man has a hobby, eg gardening. He loves it and seeks knowledge and understanding concerning it. Time spent on gaining knowledge and understanding is the manifestation or demonstration of love.

He is the one who gains by his investment of time and energy in acquiring knowledge and wisdom of gardening, (racing cars, music, or whatever) because he creates a more beautiful garden, a faster racing car, lovelier music. Likewise with marriage.

Heaps of reasons why men like to dominate in marriage - cultural mostly - lack of sensitivity, ignorance of what makes marriage work, low self-esteem, (we are all princes and princesses in the royal Kingdom of God), no proper marriage models, laziness.

Women suffer from ambition which their men must accomplish, feminism (women's rights), ignorance, materialism, and same as for men.

Dominance removes the partner's trust, and limits the flowering of the partner's full potential, destroying their self esteem. In doing so it creates misery, fear, stress, frustration, disunity, lack of communication, everything calculated to destroy a relationship in marriage, business, social life etc.

Dominance is invariably destructive of relationships. God is the builder of reconciliation, and beautiful, peaceful, harmonious, creative, new every day, exciting relationships.

Why should a husband relate to his wife with knowledge and wisdom?
Since the wife is his partner in receiving God's blessings on their marriage, he should use his knowledge and wisdom in cultivating their life together so that his prayers will not be hindered.

In what way does this demonstrate love?
By showing his wife that he wants to do the things that please her and he will take care of her because he wants their marriage to be the best it can be.

In what way does this demonstrate self-interest?
If a husband and wife treat each other with love and respect, both of them will benefit by having a much happier marriage.

Why do men sometimes try to dominate their wives? Why do wives sometimes try to dominate their husbands? What harm does this do?
Sometimes they grow up in a home where one parent dominates the other, and the trend continues when they marry. Once they accept Jesus Christ, they should understand the meaning of true "agape" love and have a spirit of servitude, doing whatever it takes to make each other happy.

However, for those who have not accepted Christ, this domination perhaps gives them a sense of power and makes them feel important, not realizing how selfish and cruel they are being to their mate.

Dominating your mate can be so harmful because it causes him/her to have no self-esteem and feel that they are not worthy in anyone's eyes, not even God's. When a person is continually being berated or not given a chance to contribute anything to the marriage, that marriage is in deep trouble, all due to selfishness and control.

How is domination of another person contrary to God's nature?
God's nature is to love and serve. A dominant person does not understand this, or at least does not practice it. A husband should love his wife just as Christ loves the church; and when you love in that manner, domination will not exist.

Why should a husband relate to his wife with knowledge and wisdom? In what way does this demonstrate love? In what way does this demonstrate self-interest? Why do men sometimes try to dominate their wives? Why do wives sometimes try to dominate their husbands? What harm does this do? How is domination of another person contrary to God's nature?


Husbands are to give their attention to their wives. To relate with knowledge and wisdom means that one should show consideration and respect toward his wife. Of course, there will be reciprocation on the part of the wife toward her husband.

The desire to dominate reveals a heart of selfcenteredness and overlordship. This is not of God as it does not reveal the heart of a loving God and goes against the Word. Domination can affect the partners personality by withdrawal or perhaps competition. It is wrong and does not build strong marriages.

A good part of loving someone is getting to know them as well as possible. By understanding (as much as is possible) the needs of our wives, it becomes possible to serve those needs. By treating our spouse wih respect and friendship, our love deepens and takes on more meaning.
I guess we get involved with self-interest because it is from our own need for love that we respond to others. We are able to love God because he first loved us. Marriage could be considered mutual self-interest.
Men sometimes try to dominate their wives because they are insecure in the relationship, and feel the need to CONTROL.
Women most likely suffer from the same insecurity, and feel the same need.
The signals that spouses send to each other when there is a dominant spouse harm the marriage by dragging in feelings of mistrust, frustration and resentment.
We have been charged to approach others as servants, not masters.

Q4. (3:7) Why should a husband relate to his wife with knowledge and wisdom? In what way does this demonstrate love? In what way does this demonstrate self-interest? Why do men sometimes try to dominate their wives? Why do wives sometimes try to dominate their husbands? What harm does this do? How is domination of another person contrary to God's nature?

[color="green"]Understanding his wife and catering to her needs builds relationship that lasts. In a realtionship there should be two way flow of information, affection, communication and love. By being open and transparent, relationships are bound to prosper. Love can be defined in so many ways, but in a husband-wife relationship transparency fuels love. Loving and being loved is a natural craving. So, in a way, loving his wife, is partly self-interest because he expects his wife to love him back.[/color]

[color="purple"]Domination of another's partner is a natural phenomena in any human being. More in the male species. That being the case, man naturally wants his wife to be submiisive to him. Biblically too, woman should be submissive to her husband. But submission is not to be taken as slavery. Sometimes, women too try to dominate their husbands, as sometimes, the husbands are docile. There is nothing wrong in being submissive to one another but it should be out of love and respect for each other. Otherwise, this will lead to conflicts in conjugal life and each may start hating the other. God is love. When we think about this character of God and display it in our daily lives, then domination of another's partner will not exist.[/color]

Q4. (3:7) Why should a husband relate to his wife with knowledge and wisdom? In what way does this demonstrate love? In what way does this demonstrate self-interest?

So he can understand her distinctiveness or how her needs differ from his. By trying to understand this it shows love as well as respect.

Why do men sometimes try to dominate their wives? Why do wives sometimes try to dominate their husbands? What harm does this do? How is domination of another person contrary to God's nature?

Humans are "control freaks" because we are, basically, selfish. By dominating we get our way. This damages relationships because it overlooks the needs to both. It is contrary to God's nature because we are called to be servants and put other's needs first. We are called to focus on God and His will not ourselves.

HUSBANDS SHOULD BE CONSIDERATE & UNDERSTANDING ,LIVING IN LOVE WITH THEIR WIVES. BEING EQUAL HEIRS OF GOD'S GRACE AND SALVATION.
BECAUSE WOMEN ARE OF WEAKER PHYSICAL STRENGTH, MEN SOMETIMES TRY TO DOMINATE. WE MUST REALIZE THAT WE ARE EQUAL IN GOD'S SIGHT. HUSBANDS & WIVES SHOULD SHARE IN ALL DECISIONS AS ONE IS NOT BETTER THAN THE OTHER. SOME LIKE TO MANIPULATE THE OTHER BUT IT IS NOT IN GOD'S WILL. RESPECTING EACH OTHER AND BEING FAITHFUL TO GOD'S WORD WILL SHOW HOW RESPONSIBLE YOU ARE TO THE WORD.
EVERYONE WANTS TO BE IN CHARGE AND DOMINATE. WE MUST BE SUBMISSIVE TO EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING THAT LINES UP WITH THE WORD OF GOD..

Q4. (3:7) Why should a husband relate to his wife with knowledge and wisdom?
A husband should relate to his wife with knowledge and wisdom because even though God says the wife should submit to her husband, He also says that she is to be treated as an equal, with respect and love.

In what way does this demonstrate love?
As the leader of the marriage he needs to show her that he loves and respects her. If he takes the time to really know his wife, and treat her as an equal in their marriage, she will love and respect him in return.

In what way does this demonstrate self-interest?
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you show love and respect to another, it will be returned.

Why do men sometimes try to dominate their wives? Why do wives sometimes try to dominate their husbands?
Some men and also some women, like to be in control, to intimidate their spouse to bend to their will. When a person submits in this way, it is not a submission because of the love and respect they feel for their spouse, but because of fear if they don‘t submit.

What harm does this do?
Trying to get your spouse to bend to your will is damaging to that person. It breaks their spirit, and they lose their self-confidence.

How is domination of another person contrary to God's nature?
God is a God of Love, and He tells us to love one another. Showing domination does not show love, and it goes against God‘s Will for us.

By relating to his wife with knowledge and wisdom a husband conveys his love and respect for her. It demonstrates love by showing to her that she has value and worth. She is an equal heir in the kingdom of God. It demonstrates self interest in that if she is treated with love and respect she will love and respect in return and theirs will be a peaceful life together blessed by God. Husbands and wives try to dominate each other for various reasons all stemming from sin, including pride, control, insecurity, arrogance. The harm it causes is to make them a stumbling block not only for each other, but also for the children in their household. Domination is contrary to God's nature in that He is love and there is no love in domination.

When a husband relates to his wife with knowledge and wisdom,shows that he is intimately aware of his wife's needs,her strengths,and weaknesses,and her goals and desires in life.Some men dominante theit wives because they want complete control of everything in his and hers life.There are some wives who do the same,wanting control of every thing.Neither are looking at each others desires in life,just theirs.This could lead to a seperation in marriage.Unevenly yoked I would say.
Peter encourages Christians to act like the Lord Jesus,and being dominate is not Gods nature.