[Pastor Ralph]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?

[Elwood C O'Dell]

Be there for that person as a friend. Do not act as their judge, just simply be there to remind them that God still loves them and that He is still the one who repairs broken hearts, minds and souls. Walk with them through their valley doing your best to allow God to love them through you.

[Tabatha]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?

I am in agreement with Elwood. I have two friends who were divorced because of abuse. The wife was drawen to a beautiful Christian man, (She to is a christian) They became friends and through this they were healed. They both came to me for counsel in what to do because they felt to remarry. My counsel was I could not say yes or no. This was between them and God. I am an ordained minister I prayed with them and God put so much love in my heart for them. I continued to pray God' would give them the right answer. After a year of staying pure They came to me again for my blessing. I took them in a prayer of repentance, They wept on their faces before God and repented of their sin of divorece. There was such peace and the presence of God's forgiveness. They were married two years ago, The new husband is teaching hurting and broken people. They have a bible study with so many needy hurting people. The past is in the past. Praise God. for a new start.

[Nancy Decker]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?

None of us can judge another's marriage or failures in marriage for it is a matter for God as He only knows the hearts of both and the whole story. The ones I know who are divorced do not want divorce in their lives, but for various reasons or happenings did divorce. It seems they want to be understood and made to feel they were doing the best they could and felt their reasons were valid. So the only thing I know to do, is to listen, understand what I can, pray for them and the children affected by all of this, and support the one who is a friend to me...I really cannot know and do not want to know the truth behind the divorce, but I do know God is forgiving and will help them make good come out of even a divorce if they ask Him to help them do so. Unfortunately many divorced persons I know jump right into another relationship, before healing has taken place, which to me is risky...and the shoulder they cry on may not be able to handle the situation with the wisdom and love of God's kind....which would be healing.

The only way I know to help them is to love them as they are and help them if they need me, and to support them emotionally by listening and praying with them and just be a friend to them...in His love.

[charisbarak]

Love them, encourage them, be a good friend and pray pray pray!

Same as above, only help them to see God can and will forgive them if they ask, repent and desire to live godly lives--in His will from that day forth! Pray pray pray!

[sisterlily]

As brothers and sisters in Christ we need to show love to our friends and their children of divorce. Always keeping in mind that we are all sinners in need of forgiveness for many different things in this life. Be kind and extra loving to those in need of knowing the compassion of Christ so that they can move forward in their life towards the growing love of God instead of away. Remembering that Christ did not come to condemn but to save and through His Grace we have forgiveness and healing that we would never understand on our own. Be His light.

[UncleBlake]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?

Christ's earthly example teaches us to be compassionate on those who are hurting. In God's infinite capacity to love, He does not condemn us once we repent. It is of the utmost importance to bring Jesus' message of Grace and Mercy to those who seek to know God's will after a divorce. It is also our duty as brothers and sisters in Christ to reassure our "siblings" that Jesus loves them, and forgives them...not just the ones that have divorced, but all who have sinned, and as Romans 3:23 says, we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. No one, by thier own reason or strength can save themselves, that is God alone, and in Jesus Christ, we have been justified by Grace and Mercy, the same Grace and Mercy we, as Christians are called to show to others. There in lies our mission.

[JustJeff]

We are to give love, that is compassion and understanding. It is best to pray with the couple and take them to the scritures. Let the Word do His job.

[JanMary]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?

1)Can I just be truthful and say I wish Your first statement were always true pastor Ralph? But I believe that is the Lord's desire and commission for the church....it just doesn't always happen. My family has been deeply wounded by the church, and we have forgiven and moved on. My answer to your question was arrived at sort of like David in "The Tale Of Three Kings", where he learned how to be a good king by learning what not to do as he was mistreated and harassed by Saul, who was then King over Israel.

I can support, with love and acceptance, without taking sides, or giving unasked for advice. I can offer encouragement and a listening ear, holding what I hear in strictest confidence and much prayer.

Having been judged and looked down on by Christians, because I was divorced as a young woman, though I'd been abandoned by a sex, gambling addict, before I became a Christian. I was most healed and helped by those who just loved and accepted me...I didn't have to jump through hoops. One of the most kind things done for me, was a call from a Bible Study leader as I was preparing to answer questions on divorce and remarriage, in a study of Matthew 33 years ago....She knew I'd been divorced and might feel condemned (brand new baby Christian, and my first Bible Study experience). She reminded me that I was accepted in the Beloved and that my sins were covered by His blood, and encouraged me to shuck off any feelings of condemnation, as there is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus.....What a gift that was, and I offer the same to others who may be in a similar situation...or any other situation.

[Stan]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?


All you can do is to listen when they want to talk, share the things that you have gone through and offer your prayers and support. God is the true healer and only He can save a marriage. I have many friend that have divorced, and have shared with them that I also have been divorced I never critize them and only offer advice when they ask. I pray that soon Jesus will come back and heal the world by removing sin forever but till then our burden will be to pray and seek Him and His righteousness and that can only be done when we love our neighbor as our selves. If you love your neighbor as you are commanded you can not judge them only share the love of Christ as He has shown us.

[Don W]

I wonder if this question started out as a misprint because I think that it would be more accurate to say: “The church has not always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred.” This Bible study participants have given several examples of this and I could add one more of my own. When my ex-wife was looking for a way out of her marriage to me, she seek some church members until she finally found one who told her that it was “okay to go through with the divorce” (probably because this woman had gone through with one herself and felt that what was okay for her was okay for others, too) and I didn’t get any help from any of the three pastors of the church either. In fact, one even told me that we could not confront her about her sin because he wasn’t going to act as if he were “Scripture police” against her sin and not another’s sin. He misused the verse on not judging another’s sin—at least that’s what I thought he meant by this statement. Anyway, I left that church (for other reasons, too, but the main one was the lack of any church discipline in it) after my wife divorced and deserted me—which really turned out alright anyway because I ended up in a smaller but much more loving church family. But they weren’t supportive at all to me before, during or after my wife left me. And I think that, unfortunately, there are many churches today, as this one is that are not supporting hurting and caring people. I would sure try to be much more supportive of the hurting person than the unnamed church we use to attend! And that wouldn't be very hard to do at all!!!!

[mags]

We are not called to judge one another. We have no right to judge others and should never put our opinions on to other people (forcefully). We need to show LOVE for that is the greatest command. If we condemn and judge we will turn people away from the Kingdom of God.

We need to comfort and support that person without judgement and condemnation. We need to be there to listen and to wrap our arms around them. Jesus would want us to love and care for them.

It is later when the hurt isn't so raw and the emotions aren't so high that true healing can take place. It is when they get to this point that they are ready to receive teaching and need led to repent of the divorce. It is part of the closure they will seek but they may not actively seek God's forgiveness because they may not realise they need it - especially if they are the ones that were left.

[love.serve.know]

I can be a friend to someone who is struggling. I can help healing by not acting like a Pharisee

[masika]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?
As a Church we are to encourage the couple the importance of marriage and what The Bible say about marriage.
God’s creative work was not complete until He made woman. He could have made her from the dust of the ground, as He made man. God chose, however, to make her from the man’s flesh and bone. In so doing, He illustrated for us that in marriage man and woman symbolically are united into one. This is a mystical union of the couple’s heart and lives. Throughout the Bible, God treats this special partnership seriously.
The goal in marriage should be more than friendship; it should be oneness.
Marriage is also permanent.

[meandean]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?

first, be a listener. don't run off at the mouth from our own experience. let the hurt come out. and pray so the lord would hear and ask for words to give. wait patiently and when asked what to do, then give the word of god and see if you can pray for that person right then and there. then continually lift that person to the lord.

[Loisb]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?

1. We can be understanding and not judge the person who is struggling in his/her marriage. We don't know what that person may be going through, so we can't judge.

2. You should be there for them. Listen and patiently try to understand their problems. We could give our opinion if they ask.

[hwelch]

I'm late to this and I know it, but I felt I wanted to add something to this discussion. I think Dr. Wilson added this question because he knows that many have been hurt by how the "church" has responded to a divorce or couples that are having marital difficulties. He wanted all of us to think about how to help someone in this situation. My marriage has been a troubled one for almost the whole 25 years I've been in it because of verbal abuse of me and the children. I've learned over time that forgiveness is the only way to get through and that includes forgiveness of the "church" which includes the entire body, not just the head. There is too much pain involved for the body to be able to avoid also causing pain. I have been incredibly hurt by my church and yet I stuck with my church family and sought outside help for my marriage. In time, my church family through watching me and my marriage actually brought in the outside counselor I had found and it transformed the body. When my marriage faltered again 5 years later, my church body was a little bit more able to support me, but I was still hurt. In situations like mine you can literally split a church because there is abusive behavior, but the abuser professes to be a believer and doesn't think what he is doing is wrong. I can find people to support me and he can find people to support him. The pastor is pastor over all these people - it's a narrow road. I've been at this church for 10 years and I care about all the people there, but the bottom line is that for anyone in this situation in their marriage, counsel has to come from the Holy Spirit and those around the person need to direct them to the Holy Spirit and the Word of God and just let them know that they care. Let the Holy Spirit and Jesus give the counsel because there isn't one of us that can speak to the incredible pain and all the nuances and "issues" involved in each individual marriage. The judgemental approach tends to send people into rebellion, rather than rescue them from it. For me, I have learned to always think about how Jesus would speak and respond to a person before I open my mouth and stick my foot in it.

Sometimes separation is necessary which was touched on briefly. I would encourage all of you to search out the Word on that. A separation with the intent to bring the other person who professes to be a believer back in line with the Word of God, is the step I was finally led to take through Godly counsel and the Holy Spirit. It was incredibly difficult and I lived in 1 Peter during that incredibly hard time, but where there is willfull and continual disobedience to the Word of God, this is a step that may be necessary. (Examples that come to mind would be refusal to stop adultery, physical or verbal abuse).

[Tina]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?

Be loving and understanding. Be a good listener and don't judge them, regardless of what went wrong in the marriage. As a body of Christ, we should be aware of the hurt in the other members and in order for His body to function effectively, we should be there for the hurting and depressed people by spending quality time with them, praying with them, offering counselling from God's word and interceding for them as well. God wants us to serve each other.

[iam4-1god]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?

What I can do is pray for that one who is hurting and looking for answers. I can also have Scripture ready so that I can show them what The word says about their situation. And I can lead them to repentence by showing them that confessing and asking for forgiveness with a contrite heart to The Lord Jesus, and then let the healing begin. It is only through confessing and having faith in Jesus that we can be forgiven, and then be healed. Life will go on, but it can only get better when we confess and believe that we are forgiven. The hardest part is us forgiving ourselves. When we realize that Jesus forgives us, then everything else falls into place. God is ssooooo Good-all the time!

[Commissioned]

Q6. The Church has always been supportive of those who are hurting or scarred. In Christ, we help people make the best of what is sometimes a difficult situation. What can you do to extend Christ's healing love to someone who is struggling in his or her marriage? What can you do to bring healing to someone who is or was divorced?

The thread that binds us together is love. As brothers and sisters in Christ we are our rother's keepers and in such cases of divorce we must extend love to each party, and refrain from being judgmental. As much as the Lord allows us us should be there to bring healing to the situation, encouraging reconciliation; but when reconciliation is not forthcoming we should support them in the decision that is made.