spazzo47

I think we all have a belief that "I'm not that bad". I was talking to someone about an upcoming play their theatre will do where a pastor wakes up one day and realizes that he doesn't believe in hell. One of the key questions that's asked in the play is if there's not hell, then what happens to all the people worse than me? It's almost like we judge people, and probably ourselves, by comparing with others. I'm not as bad as the murderer who killed 19 kids and two teachers in Texas, but I'm probably not as good as my pastor's wife who never has a prayer request for herself, she always prays for other people's needs. By going to church and listening, we gets points added to that metric. I may never be as good as the pastor's wife, but, by going to church and making an effort, I must be better than the people on my plane who aren't going to church. I ran a half marathon once and people in a neighborhood we ran past came out that morning to cheer us on, some with signs that said, "YOu're running circles around the people who are still in bed." It's that kind of idea. The other reason is that we have this idea in our head that something will stick. I have a friends who believes in "Fake it till you make it." It's an idea that if you wait long enough and pretend to be happy, optimistic, etc, I eventually will be. In the case of going to church, we have this belief that people who go to church are good people, so if you go and fake being a better person long enough, you will become one. I think in all these examples, what people miss is that there has to be some sort of commitment to something. If I want to be a good runner, I have to train most days. Walking 13.1 miles one day is great, but by itself it won't make me fit, strong, or healthy. If I want to be more like the pastor's wife, I might pick something up by watching her in a small group every week, but I will learn more from spending time with her and seeing how she lives life. This past Sunday we learned about how closely the disciples followed Jesus around. It was 24/7, everything that He did. That's how rabbis taught their students, the students followed them around like ducklings every day.

Trials a lot of times take up a lot of our energy. When we're facing a trial of some sort, we are focused on that thing. I was recently in a course where one of the students had a horrible tragedy happen, the kind where you wonder how she's able to get out of bed in the morning. She was too far into the course to drop it, so for the last several weeks, every time she posted, she mentioned what she was going through. A trial like that permeates every part of our lives. What this person did, and I think it's what a lot of people do, is she spent a lot of time in prayer. She asked God for help. She listened for God's response. I don't know how many people in general get past trying to negotiate with God ("If you heal my loved one, then..."), but I think in those times people can hear or feel God's presence and comfort because they understand that at this horrible moment, they can rely on God.

I think that people blame God because if He's all powerful, then He should be able to prevent evil from happening. I answer that by thinking about the times that someone has the power to do something, but it doesn't mean they should do it. Your boss has the power to tell you to do the dirtiest, ugliest job in the company, but the question is, should he give you that job. For God, it's hard to look at evil and justify why God allows for it. He doesn't cause evil, but He doesn't stop it either. Saturday's shooting in Buffalo is an example of evil. Why would God allow that? I think it comes down to allowing us to have free will. We get to have the decision to love God and follow His commands, but we also have the right to ignore God. We have the right to ingest any media that we wish and there are consequences to ingesting media and thoughts that move our minds to something horrible. WE face the consequences of our actions, as the shooter will, but as a consequence of free will, we also face the consequences of other people's actions, as the loved ones on the victims will. I believe that God doesn't want to see any of his people suffer, but He has to allow it because it's a consequence of giving us free will. Recently I did tech for a play that included the statement that God keeps Himself ignorant of the future and completely hands off. I wanted to have a sit down with the writer because that's not how God works. I think He's aware and He grieves with us, but He has to watch the horrors that go on in the world because of His decision to let us make decisions and not be forced into doing right.

As I was reading this section I thought about the time right after college. I was unemployed, doing whatever work I could find. Mostly I worked as a substitute teacher and had a side gig stuffing mass mailings in a college mailroom. And that's when God called me to ministry. That time in my life was marked with going on nightly hour long walks where I prayed while also helping to plant a church 30 minutes away. It never occurred to me to give up the church, even though it would have saved on gas. i wish that every time of trial was a success like that was. It hasn't been. But God never gave up on me and I always came back.

I'm not sure that any of these are fully David's motivation. I think they all played into it a little, but I think there's something else going on. I see David as a man who is constantly trying to prove himself. He's the runt of the litter of the brothers. When Samuel came to find the next king, Jesse had forgotten about him. He spent a lot of time watching sheep. He was sent out to feed his brothers while they were on battle lines, even though he must have felt like he should be there as well, fighting. He was also a dreamer. For him to decide so quickly that he could, I think he had to have imagined doing it throughout his entire journey to his brothers. When he gets there and sees no one has done what he's so sure he can do, he's just incensed! How could they not see the potential for killing this guy! Some of that is God-given courage, some of that is just plain stupidity. Fast-forward a little and this guy's ego has been fluffed. Post-Goliath is probably the time that David is most able to see himself as king. The people love him, he's having these military wins. He may even have picked up that Saul is a little afraid of him. And that's why he's a little cautious when Saul says he'll give his first daughter to David as long as he fights for Saul. Saul's tried to kill him, now Saul wants him to fight in Saul's army. David may be coming to the conclusion that he has to earn Saul's favor. I think that David is also a people pleaser. His desire to please God is evident, but I think he works hard to make sure that people like him (no one complained that he was being promoted through the ranks). The other factor is he's a strategist. I don't know how you would lead the men he's leading and win the fights he's winning without having some strategic ability. If he knows that he's going to be king one day and he has a chance to marry into the family of the king, he may see this as God's will for how he's going to get there. I don't think he sees himself at this point leading a rebellion, so marrying Michel may be God's way of making sure he's able to take that role. So David, who's only goal is to constantly prove himself, who has to get Saul to like him, and who knows his destiny is to be king one day is given an opportunity to get a wife "free and clear". Marrying Michal means not having to go to war and be an indentured servant to Saul's whims. The people pleaser in David decides to go out and really impress his presumptive father-in-law by doing more than he's asked. Maybe then Saul will understand that I really sincerely want to be in the family, not a usurper to it. That should lead to family harmony so that when the natural order of things puts me in the King's throne (gee, I hope this doesn't mean anything bad happens to Jonathan), I can do it legitimately and peacefully.

I think this is a word of confidence in what will happen. He said it, and said it loud, because he is completely confident that God is going to use this for His glory. Jesus knows the plan. He knows why He had to come to earth to die. He knows that sin and death are conquored. And so there's joy at crossing the finish line (or making it through the hard part).

Jesus came to earth with one primary objective -- to free us by defeating sin. I think the scope of the mission including teaching the disciples how to love and how to minister to the people so they could spread the word of what happened. It is finished means that His objective had been met, he had stepped on the serpant's head and freedom from sin, as well as the giving of life eternal had been accomplished. What we learn from "It is finished" is that we are no longer in bondage to sin. There is forgiveness and joy in life. We don't have to live under the cloud of guilt and heartache, but we can embrace the power given to us through this sacrificial act. There is nothing we can't accomplish, assuming that we have the power of the God that defeated death behind us.

Last night I reflected on Jesus the human, so instead of rewriting that train of thought, I think the next thought that comes to mind is that Jesus was still thinking of scripture. This probably goes to his commitment again. Psalm 69:21 is probably the best verse cited t show that. At this point the darkness has been going for hours. If I understand that passage right, the darkness probably set in when God had to turn his back on Jesus. Jesus more than anyone is feeling that separation (Why have you forsaken me?). So for three hours, Jesus is completely alone on the cross, except for the sin that he's got on Him, somethign that Jesus the divine is completely aware of. His thoughts are still on scripture. I can only think through this as a human. There's the part of me that thinks he may have been timing this out like I do on a run. For Him the goal is three days, and the first one is just about done. He did 40 days in a desert and he's been training for this throughout his ministry and even before. He just has to endure basically two more days and then he gets to set the whole world free. for me, when I have those types of thoughts, that's all I can think about, the short period of time that's left, the ultimate goal. But Jesus seems to be thinking about scripture. That's the thing that's keeping him going.

I know that Jesus is all man and all divine. But at different times during his life and ministry the man part of His character stands out more than the divine and vice versa. I think this is one of the times I see him more as a man than divine. What that means for my faith is that He chose to feel every bit of the pain. He didn't shy away from the agony of what was happening. He didn't deaden himself to the pain, but he felt every bit of it. And so even knowing everything that was going on both on earth and in heaven, His first and only thought was to cry out to His Heavenly Father. He wasn't crying out to Abba, He was crying out to the only power that could save Him, if they weren't in agreement that this had to happen. This shows the depths of the committment. I can barely stand to run 30 minutes without wanting to cheat. If the darkness marks the point of no return for HIm, there were still many hours of torture that He could have changed His mind. But he didn't, because He knew what his pain was going to buy. He stuck it out because of His love for all of humanity. The effect it should have is an understanding of what love really is and a desire to live it out.

I don't think that people expect criminals to believe, and I think we assume they aren't worthy of belief. But here is this man who was about to die for his crimes, who not only showed a softness of heart, but aligned himself with a man who was being tortured, mocked and died alone. The thief recieved entrance into heaven. He got to be with his Father for eternity. This was a big "win" for Jesus. When things are piling against me, I will sometimes just call out to God, "I need a win" in other words I need something to help keep me going, to know that He's there. A lot of times that prayer is answered with something that seems insignificant, but it makes me smile. In Jesus case, His situation was far more extreme than anything I've faced, and his win is a far more impressive one than what I generally need. I think it also reminded Jesus of why He was on that cross. He died for the one. He was dying so that that one man could go to heaven.

There was a good cance that if Timothy could have missed the boat if he didn't hurry, and in this case, missing the boat meant missing his last opportunity to see Paul on Earth. I think that Paul wanted to gather his firends and family in Christ around him before he died. He wasn't in a bed, but he was on his death bed. We recently had a scare with my grandmother where it looked like she might pass, all the family was called together to see her for the last time. That's what Paul reminds me of in this passage. I don't know how bereavement days worked back then, but I expect that Timothy took a year off to make the trip. I can't imagine him not. Would I have made the trip? Absolutely.

Good friends are the people that you do life with. You've shared your life with them and vice versa. They have somehow enriched your life because you them. When they leave, it's the end to that part of your life. The relationship changes and you have to start talking about them in the past tense. I'm thinking of things like weekly coffee or inside jokes that you had just aren't part of your routine anymore. And if the parting is on bad terms, what used to be love gets turned in anger and mistrust. Losing a loved one is hard because not only is all the above true, but it's permanent (as long as you're on earth). I have a friend who moved about 4 hours away from me. I can go to where we had breakfast on Fridays and then Email her and tell her the little old guy that used to mess up our orders is still around. If she died, I don't even have that connection. One of my favorite books is Beth Moore's "To Live is Christ". It's about Paul. The first time I read it I was getting ready to move from my first to my second )both were church plants, Paul would be proud). One chapter that stuck with me the most was about how Paul knew that he wasn't going to stay in one place for very long. HOwever, he committed himself to relationships everywhere he went, knowing that leaving each place would hurt. I think part of our call is to be in relationship with other believers (and pre-Christians) because I think that it's the only way to get God's work done and it's the part of what's meant by living to the full.

I want to say the Crwon of ritgheous is given to the righteous. It's given to all who believe when they arrive in Heaven. IT's given to beleivers because they are the rigthteous. They are the ones who beleived that Christ came to earth for no reason than to die for their sins and that through that death and resurrection, they are clean in His eyes. IT's awarded because of the faith the person had while here on earth.

Whe I read those statements I think about the work that goes into running. In particular I think of marathon runners, who I have so much resepct for. In a couple minutes I'll be running about 2 miles in 25 minutes and at the end of it I'll feel completely exhausted and wondering how I'm going to ever walk again. A marathon runner will go 26+ miles. I can't even comprehend that race. For me, running doesn't mean the cheers of the crowd at the finish line, it means being able to say that I did it. I ran it and i hit the finish line. Becasue I hit the finish line wihtout stopping, it was a good run. That's what I think Paul is saying, he's finishing and finishing strong, the finish line is coming and he's proud of the work he did getting to it. For us, finishing the race means living the Christian life consistently. You don't have to be a minister to be a Christian. For those not in professional ministry it means living out your ideals without backing down from them. It means following CHrist and what He says to do. Keep the faith means that you just keep going, knowing that God has a plan for you. Keep living your witness and be ready.

Paul is telling Timothy to charge ahead even though Timothy probably doesn't feel like it. I see Timothy as having been in his assignment long enough that he's gotten into a routine and so he's missing stuff. He knows what he can get away with and he's doing that. Not that he's doing the bare minimum, but he's in a comfortable place. What Paul is saying is get out of this comfort and do just a little more. Do the things that remind him of why he went into minitry in the first place. Do the thigns that will set him on fire. don't settle. For me, I'm thinking about my job. I feel like I've been passed over for a promotion that went to two people who aren't as qualified as I am. I was thinking about that before I started reading this section, then as I was reading I remembered what I wrote last night about my co-worker and being able to minister to him. I know him well enough that I know he would resent me if I were in a position of authority over him. I wouldn't have the same open door to talk with him as I do now. The verse says endure hardship and keep your head. To me that means stay focused on what I was actually called to do. I was called into ministry several years ago whether my conference wants to believe it or not. I was not called to be a supervisor at the job I'm in. I was called to minister to this guy who's going through a hard time. That's the reason I was put here. I have to stay focused on my ministry opportunities and on my goals without losing my temper about office politics because I want a title and some respect for the time I've put into this department.

THroughout this letter I get the feeling that he thinks Timothy's been giving into some feelings of being overwhelmed and jsut hasn't been as on fire as Paul would like. I think I see Timothy as being kind of beaten down by his church. So when paul is saying "Go out a preach" he's saying, "get off your butt and do more than just go through the motions. Take every opening you get." I see Paul as a kind of coach to Timothy in this letter. He's spent the frist 3 chapters trying to inspire, now he's saying here's what you have to do, so get it done. Today I was talking to a co-worker who I don't usually get along with. His mother was recently diagnosed with cancer and he's obviously upset about it. We had a long discussion about his shock (he's never heard of cancer in his family), my family's history of cancer, how we live with the constant threat of it, and friend's cancer stories. I missed an opportunity to talk about the peace of knowing God, and it might come down to this not being ready. But at the same time, I think I managed to minister to him a little by spending that time talking and listening, instead of sticking my nose in the book that I was trying to read for a class. My feeling through the entire exchange was that talking with him was the more important thing. It was an inconvenient time, but I feel like I was ready for it.

Iguess when I think of ministry, I think of being inrelationship with people and teaching. Teaching is one of the parts of verse 16. Knowing scripture means that we can explain it to other people. The study of it means that we can explain key concepts to others and know where to find examples, both in the Bible and in our own lives, because through study and knowledge, it becomes a part of us. But most importantly, Scripture helps us learn how to love others. The toher things verse 16 says scripture is good for is rebuking, Correcting, and training. All of which are at times necessary in teaching. Rebuking is when you tell an immature Christian -- in love -- that they did something wrong. I had a person in my last church, whose singles small group I led, that got pregnant. There was some God given discernment in what to say to her when I saw her heavy with child, since she was repentant and the church was supportive of her. Correcting is similar to rebuking, but this is more for those who are coming back to the faith. At another church I mentored a young lady that got involved iwth a guy, would feel shame and leave the church, feel more shame and leave the guy coming back to the church, and then get back wth the guy. After the third time coming back to the church, we started having weekly meetings where we tried to discuss what she was going through and correct the behavior. Finally training I think of as being what Paul is doing for Timothy in this letter. This is encouragement, but it's also got this feeling of teaching him how to proceed.

When I'm writing a play or a narrative piece of fiction, there's this image in my head and these voices that guide me in what I write. I instinctively know what's right for the characters and the plot and through the wrting, I figure out what the message I'm trying to convey is. I think that's how it was for the writers of the Bible. I think there was first this internal need to get the things on their mind out on paper (in some cases God directly said "write this down"). And based on what God was saying to them, they wrote. And they wrote in the style that they were most comfortable with or that made the most sense (Paul used letters, David used poetry, Luke was more academic). They wrote for a particular audience. I hestitate to call it a dictation, even though that's probably the slosest word I know for what it is. If I'm telling a story, it's going to come from my heart and head. It might (and hopefully) be placed there by God, but it's going to come out the way I would tell it. But writing, when you're doing it right or are on the right track, is a lot like taking a dictation. The characters are telling you what they're doing and saying and you just have to try and keep up. So both these terms means that God was very much the One that prompted the writing of Scripture and guided it. But, He also chose to work through humans, which means that there was some human choice (Besides having the choice to say no to God about writing in, the writers usually got to say what they needed to say in a way that made sense to them). This doctriine is important because it shows where ultimately it came from.

Failure is one of the greatest fears people have. I think it stems from the embarassment that we feel from other people and their views of us. That's what persection is, it's not being accepted by the people because of some belief or attribute that we have (or don't have). OUr whole witness and how we live our lives is going to run contrary to how others think the world works. The world tells us that not only is it okay to have sex before marriage, but it's normal and right. Right now I sit backstage at a play where 4 characters laugh at the Christian character because she holds that belief. As a 32 year old single woman, every night I hear that line, I want to scream (thankfully the show closes on Sunday). It's when we give into the pressure of that persecution that we start compromising and backsliding. I think taking up His cross and carrying His cross means loving people and taking their scorn like Jesus did. Jesus didn't say the popular things to say. He told people the truth, not what they wanted to hear. He also showed love to the people who didn't see themselves as lovable.

I dont' think the Pharisees ever saw themselves as hypocrites. In fact, I usually feel sorry for the Pharisees when I read the Gospels because it seems so clear to me that sometime in trying to follow all the rules in the Old Testament, they forgot the reason. It became about the rules and not the relationship. Rules are, I think more tangible than relationship. We know when we break a rule, they had generations of stories about what happened when their ancestors broke the rules. But the relationship is harder to get a hold of, especially when the person you're in relationship with isn't a 3 dimentional figure that you can directly interact with. My job is a university security officer. I have to enforce rules, and I personally beleive that a lot of them are stupid. Last night I found a person using a computer in a hallway of an empty building and I had to tell her that she had to use a computer in a computer lab in the same building. While we argued about where she could and couldn't compute, I had to think about the answer to the question that I usually get... "Why?" The truthful answer is "I don't know, it's a stupid rule and I have to enforce it." I think Christians get into this idea of we have to perfect and we have to abolish all sin around us, but never ask the why question. We forget that through our relationship with Christ, we have freedom. We forget that it's not about us being perfect, or appearing perfect because we're sinners and not perfect, it's about our relationship with our savior.

I'm in a teacher's education class right now. We're only in our first couple weeks of instruction, but what I'm getting out of it so far is that to be a good teacher, you have to show respect to your students. We have to show Christian love to those we are trying to minister to. We have to be able to listen attentively and show that we care about their problems. We have to be knowledgable in the Scripture. We have to be able to build a relationship with them. And we have to make sure that at all times God is the focus of what we're doing. I got the opportunity once to take a then pre-Christian through the book of John and I helped him say a prayer of salvation. This was a guy who had several handicaps, but was an amazing artist. I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him and I believe he enjoyed me too. He went to a different church than I did the week his church did baptisms, so I told him to make sure he was there that day and I'd come by and talk to him about what he saw and what it meant. We have JJ as a Christian brother in part because he was shown love by a lot of people, including me. And I came out with a really cool relationship as well. I really like this.

I dont' have any special plates or dinnerware. Everythign I own is used and used until it's worn out and can be replaced as cheaply as possible, so I'm struggling with this analogy a little more than I usually do. I think what Paul is trying ot say is that there are certain plates that we use for special purposes, and that's what we are called to be, the ones that are separated from the more common. As for the how, as Pastor Ralf said, the answer is in 2Tim 2:22, "Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along iwth those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." That means setting yourself apart for the special use.

When I was taking education method classes, what we would have to do is create our lesson plans and write out questions that the students might ask and make sure we knew the answers. That's one of the things it means to be a teacher, you hae to have skills as a student and as a studier of the course you're teaching. Being a skilled workman means that whatever your job is, you have to come in prepared, not only to do a set of tasks, but having the knowledge that will allow you to handle any sponteneous things that happen.

For the last several weeks I've been training for a 5K race (you people who have run a marathon just blow my mind!). THe conditioning involved in just these early stages are incredible. The learning that has to take place as far as what to eat and what to watch out for (today Iwas learning about resting heart rates and how fast my heart should be going while running) is insane. The benefits, while there, are a little hard to see. So I guess the athlete really speaks to me. I train by myself, so if I decide at the end fo a run that I just don't want to run the last minute that I'm supposed to, I have that freedom and no one will ever know but me. But if I cheat that minute and keep on cheating that minute, then I miss out on the satisfaction of finishing the race. That's also not goign to affect anyone, except me. I also miss out on all the good stuff that happens along the way.

Who wants to hear that the Christian life doesn't mean that everything is going to be perfect? We have this idea in our heads that if we're good, we deserve good things -- we reap what we sow. We want to control our destiny. Right now I'm starting to train to run 3 miles a day. I've changed my eating habits, I'm inthe gym nightly either lifting weights or running. It's a lot of work. And I desperately want to see results -- I want to see my weight go down, my fat evaporate, and my endurance go up. That makes sense to me, if I work hard I get a reward maybe not immediately, but soonish. I think that's how people think. If they're good, then they should get rewarded with peace and properity. I hate being the pastor that says, "but Jesus never promised that." IN fact he promised that His people would suffer. When you tell someone that, the obvious knee jerk reaction is going to be, "then why do it?" After I left the last church I served as an assistant pastor, I asked a pastor, "Is it worth it? Is being a pastor worth the hurt that I was feeling at the time?" Suffering isn't pleasant and people want to avoid it at all costs. Even Timothy did. that's what this letter is all about, Timothy wanting to get away from the suffering. If someone wh has the character that Paul says Tim had needs this encouragement, don't we all need it?