Guitar Jim

Q1. (Luke 13:19-21) What is the point of the Parables of the Mustard Seed and the Leaven? Jesus' point was that the Kingdom would start relatively small and grow from there. He mentioned often that the Kingdom would be like that because expectations were high that He would somehow miraculously snap His fingers or something and cause the overthrow of their Roman oppressors. Jesus' miracles were greater than any previously done, eclipsing even Elijah who would have been a real folk hero to Israel. I believe the people were building their hopes up for an earthly kingdom to come, and come soon! How would this be encouraging to Jesus

Q4. (Matthew 6:12, 14-15) How could praying the Lord

Q2. (Matthew 18:23-35) In the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, what is the purpose of contrasting the huge debt with the small one? Jesus wanted to emphasize the depth of God's forgiveness of our sins. The king in the parable is of course God. It is within his power to forgive a debt worth millions of dollars just on a whim and be no worse off for it. Consider this: He was still the king, still had the kingdom and everything in it. He just wasn't going to get what this servant owed him. Such was the size of his kingdom and his resources that it was of no real consequence to miss out on getting $600 million. So when the servant who owed that massive debt begged for mercy and time to pay, the king was magnanimous enough to simply wipe the debt. The forgiven servant represents us, you and me. His debt to the king was most likely accrued over his entire lifetime, and so could never be repaid. That servant couldn't bring himself to forgive his fellow servant a relatively small, repayable amount. His fellow servant, with a bit of effort, could have repaid his debt to the man in full. So often we harbor grudges and unforgiving attitudes to others. Jesus is telling us to let it go. OK, sometimes the offense against us is no trifling matter. We may have been abused by a parent or spouse, or bullied without ceasing, been mugged or robbed . . . and these things may be still happening. Nevertheless Jesus still says we should forgive. If we were to put ourselves in the parable, which debt would we owe? Which debt might be owed us? Speaking only for myself, I'm the guy who owes millions. As far as sins piled up are concerned mine is a damning record. I reckon I'm not the lone ranger in that department either. The Bible says ALL have sinned and come short of the Glory of God. By God's standards there is no one worse than anyone else because the same God who said don't commit adultery also said don't murder. He who breaks one law breaks them all, in God's view. We need to remember that God is Holy. He cannot tolerate sin, yet he does for our sake else we should all perish. To do this He gave His only begotten Son to suffer punishment in our place. A debt had to be paid and He paid it Himself. Plenty of people have wronged me. Many are continuing to do so. They figure they can get away with it and so they do. In some cases they aren't actually committing any sins against me, just making things difficult or impossible for me to make a living and to achieve success and peace of mind in my profession. In other cases they are actually telling outright lies about me to hurt my reputation and conspiring together to put me out of business. I used to blog about my activities in the music industry and I'd have a little dig at the people (booking agents, etc) who were defaming me . . . until I was tipped off that some of them were organizing their fellow conspirators to sue ME for slander!! As I was deleting my blogs, my hit counter was going crazy from the ringleaders trying to copy as many blogs as they could before I deleted them, since I had to do it one at a time. Thanks to that my website now comes up on page one of Google if I type in my name! That how serious they were in trying to push me out of the industry. That sort of thing is hard to forgive when it's an ongoing thing and the people doing it are actually gaining ground against me. They'll never stop doing that. I have to learn to forgive them and get on with doing what I do in such a way as to work around them. With God's help I'm doing that. Every now and then I take stock and actually pray to God, and in Christ I forgive the people who are against me. I list them by name and what they've done that I know about and I consciously forgive them in Jesus' name. With God's Help I continue to be an active busy participant and make my living in what is a precarious line of work . . . a professional musician who makes his entire living as a performer. I'm not writing any of this to make myself out as someone great. I simply illustrate how I personally put forgiveness into practice as best I can. I still have a ways to go as far as learning not to brood over the bad breaks I've had and the people who deliberately caused them. Why was the king insulted by the unmerciful servant

Q1. (Matthew 18:21-22) Jesus says we must forgive 77 times or 490 times. Should we take these numbers literally or figuratively? If figurative, what are they figurative of? What does this teach us about God

Q4. (John 3:16) Why is this verse so famous? This verse is famous simply because it sums up the Gospel message. "God loved the world so much that He gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life". It's that simple. The rest of the New Testament just elaborates on that central theme. What does it teach us about God? God loves us in spite of ourselves, not because we're righteous. We needed Salvation and God provided it while we were sinners, just because we needed it. What does it teach us about salvation? Salvation is the gift of God in the person of Jesus, His only Son. We have to accept that gift by believing in Jesus and acknowledging Him as Lord and God. Since

Q3. (John 3:5-7) What does it mean to be

Q2. (John 3:3-5) What does

Q1. (John 3:3, 5) What does Jesus teach here about the nature of the Kingdom of God? Do you think Nicodemus understands him? Why or why not? Jesus is teaching that there is an undeniable condition of entry to the Kingdom of God. We must be born again . . . born from above (by the enabling of the Holy Spirit) . . . born of water and the Spirit. I think Jesus is intimating that there is a definite "birth date" involved. "The Day I first believed", to quote the old hymn. Of course there are plenty of people who can't accurately name the date they became a Christian. My old pastor was one such person, my mother is another. They both grew up with a knowledge of Jesus and in a Christian home environment and gradually came to depend on Jesus more and more as their faith in Him increased and their knowledge of the saving Grace of God brought them to own Christ as Savior. There was no specific day on which they became Christians. It happened gradually. For the majority of us though there is a day on which we acknowledged Jesus as our Savior. I think Jesus is telling Nicodemus that to become a Christian, a believer in Jesus as Messiah, he must begin anew . . . be born again or born anew. Day one, year one. This is only possible through the Grace from above (Heaven, where God lives). Hence the alternative translation "Born from Above". I think I might just have answered the next question as well! I don't think Nicodemus does understand what Jesus just told him. His questioning reply about being physically born again shows clearly that he doesn't understand at all what Jesus meant. I agree with Pastor Ralph too on Jesus' being off hand and off topic with Nicodemus. Remember, though, that even in his human form Jesus is still able to know the thoughts of men. I believe that's why Jesus said what he did. He knew Nicodemus' heart. He knew the conversation was going to turn to the requirements of entry into the Kingdom of God. Nicodemus came at night. Jesus may well have been dog tired from a huge day. He simply cut to the chase. Notice Jesus offhandedly dismissed Nicodemus' compliment without even remarking on it. He knew why Nicodemus was there, so why waste time on small talk. He was also aware of Nicodemus' standing and the various offices of authority he held. Nicodemus would be someone you'd recognize on the street. His keeping of the Law of Moses would have been flawless by human standards too. As a Rabbi Nicodemus would have been a mature, highly intelligent man who wouldn't take offense at Jesus' bluntness. One more quick comment here: Jesus also knew he was going to be recorded for all time in Scripture for his statement so he made sure he got to the subject matter without delay.

Q4. What does Jesus teach us about the value and worth of the Kingdom? Jesus teaches us that the Kingdom is worth more than everything we have. It's worth giving up everything we have to attain it. Why are we tempted to value it so little? I think because in our Western ideology we have a values system that is centered around material things; what can be seen and felt. Sure, we ACKNOWLEDGE there is a Kingdom of God and we know we want to belong to it, but since it can't be seen or felt or experienced in our three dimensional world view we tend to not think about it all that much. We're kept so busy living life in this fast paced world that we actually forget about Jesus from time to time . . . More's the pity. What helps us to appreciate its true value? I think regularly taking stock of our lives and remembering Christ's sacrifice on our behalf, done in the context of regular Bible study and personal devotions, has to help us fully appreciate the value of membership in the Kingdom of Heaven. Bible studies like this one are also an enormous help in bringing understanding of Jesus' often complicated teachings. How might your testimony help a seeking friend to value the Kingdom more? From a purely personal viewpoint, I don't think my testimony would help anyone! I'm divorced and don't lead a very victorious Christian life at all. I can't set much of an example as far as getting people to value the Kingdom of God goes because I'm not a good example of a citizen of the Kingdom. The one thing I try never to be is a hypocrite. I live a quiet life and try to do whatever good I can do and not hurt anyone. When asked if I'm a Christian I always say yes. But I don't force my beliefs on anyone simply because I don't want them to stumble by following my flawed example. Don't get me wrong . . . I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, consort with bad women, steal, cheat, or lie. But they're the negative "Don't do's". It's the positive actions of the Christian life where I fall short in my estimation. I live every day with the consequences of my past and all I can really do is try my best not to repeat my mistakes and not to make matters any worse. My only ministry is in Christian giving to God's workers here on Earth and in that way I hope to advance His Kingdom.

Q3. (Mark 10:22) Why is poverty and self-sacrifice an inadequate religion? Because in and of itself, poverty and self-sacrifice gains us nothing. It's what we do AFTER we've done the whole poverty and self-sacrifice, as well as the reason for doing it, that makes for TRUE religion. Jesus told the rich young man to follow Him. As Pastor Ralph wrote, Jesus was inviting him to become a disciple in His travels like the others were who accompanied Jesus. I wonder how many more people Jesus called whose stories didn't make it into the canon of Scripture? We do read of others whom the Good News Bible calls the would-be followers of Jesus. The ones who wanted to bury their parents, kiss them goodbye etc. I personally reckon Jesus was pretty harsh with them but He must have had his reasons . . . most likely to teach future generations like us. Why does Jesus ask the man to follow him? In what senses was this a great privilege that the man was offered? Why did he reject the offer? Jesus regarded the young man with love, because of his devotion to the Law of Moses. He knew this man's heart was in the right place as far as doing the right thing as he'd been taught went. The fact that he sought Jesus out indicates that he knew that despite his upright life he still lacked something to complete his salvation. The privilege of walking and living with the Author of the salvation the young man sought was indeed something that the disciples were well aware of. Even that privilege, though, wasn't enough of a lure for the young man to give up his comfortable luxurious lifestyle. The act of surrendering all to Jesus was beyond him. Who knows however what the future held for him? I believe things happen when they're ready to happen. At that time he wasn't ready for the shock announcement that he needed to completely change his life. Who is, for that matter? Given enough time to think about it maybe he eventually joined the Christian Church. I knew a real hard-drinkin' hard-livin' band years ago. They all knew they were on a self-destructive life path. Like the fictitious comedy band Spinal Tap, they went through drummers like grain through a goose. Then one day they needed a new drummer and one of the very best in our fair city applied for the job. He was a recovering alcoholic and wouldn't and couldn't touch another drink for fear of going back to the way he was. Out of respect for him, the original band members gave up the drink also . . . he was that good a drummer that they figured it was worth it to keep him. I ran into them at the Jazz and Blues Bar one night and remarked to Billy, the bass player, how tight and rock solid they sounded that night. That's when he told me they were all on the wagon and the reason why. When they found something (or in this case someone) worth the sacrifice, it wasn't too big a sacrifice to make.

Q2. (Mark 10:21) Why do you think Jesus requires the rich young ruler to divest himself of his fortune? Because it was very important to him. We know that the young man went away very sad because he was very rich. I'd say he placed great store in his wealth, as we read in the lesson for this passage. Until he could get past his reliance on material wealth and possessions he could not follow Jesus. In another parable Jesus tells us that whoever puts his hand to the plough and keeps looking back is not fit for service in the Kingdom of God. I hope I haven't stolen Pastor Ralph's thunder there . . . The Savior knew this young man better than he did himself. There could be another reason for Jesus telling him to sell everything and give the money to the poor . . . perhaps, for all his good upright living the young man maybe didn't care for the poor enough. Why does this trouble us so much? If there was no other way for the man to be saved, what does that say about the spiritual dangers of wealth? No one likes to give up what he/she worked hard to acquire. It's basic human nature. That's why communism was doomed to failure. The "haves" will never be content with giving their money and possessions to those they feel didn't deserve them. In our culture, that means the welfare cheats, the drug addicts and alcoholics, anyone who won't "pull their weight so why should we carry them?" That's how our Western "work for a living" minds are conditioned. If we sell everything we worked so hard for and give the proceeds to the poor, we'll be poorer than they are! The early Church set the example to follow I believe. Those who had an abundance brought the extra things they didn't really need, sold them and placed the money at the Apostles' feet. Barnabas set the example there. Ananias and Sapphira decided to hang onto some of the money they received . . . which wasn't a sin in itself. Their sin was in telling everyone that it was the total amount they received in order to win the favor of the apostles and the rest. If they'd been open about it and told Peter they needed to hang onto some of the money I'm certain nothing bad would have happened to them. The Apostles would have simply been glad to get what they got. The spiritual danger of wealth lies in our reluctance to place God first in everything . . . especially finances! How many marriages are in trouble because of the unwillingness of spouses to agree on just how the money they earn should best be managed? This was a problem in my marriage. My ex-wife was a hard stingy woman who begrudged putting two bucks in the plate every Sunday. I wanted to tithe. The arguments we had over that, you wouldn't believe could happen in a Christian home! Eventually I had to pull rank on her since I was the working partner and she was the homemaker and I proposed a compromise of 5% instead of 10%. Once we agreed on that, which agreement only came after yet another screaming match, the matter was settled and God still blessed us. We're told to make up our mind what to give and then stick to it. No matter what came along we always had enough money to handle anything that came up. That's how God's blessing works. On another personal note: I own a few guitars. I'm not a collector per se, but I'm a professional guitarist who makes his entire living playing live and I like having a choice of which one to take to work tonight. Nothing super valuable here, but they're all dear to me. In fact most of my guitars are from the bargain bin and I've modified them. I still love every one of them though. If God ever made it clear that He wanted me to divest myself of them and give the money to the poor, could I? . . Would I? I'd like to think so, but . . . . Then again, I'd have to keep at least one to make my living. Would I keep the most valuable one and sell the el cheapos? I'd tell myself that I'm a professional musician who needs a top quality guitar to do my best work . . . but the reality is that I'm a good enough guitarist to get a tune out of a string across a garbage can. Any old wreck would do the job. What I'm getting at here is this: Wealth is relative. Even a person whom a rich person would consider poor may have possessions that he prizes highly, so highly that he wouldn't part with them, even at God's request. He's no different in God's Economy to the rich young ruler. THAT'S the spiritual danger of wealth. I truly believe that God is OK with people making money. Read the book of James. If God helps us to make money we should praise Him for that and realize that He did it for a reason far beyond seeing to our physical comfort. Are we to give to God's work? Most probably. However, if it's God's will that we lose our money, we have to be OK with that too. Moreover, if we have just enough to go round, as most of us do including me, we still need to place God in charge of the purse strings.

Q1. (Matthew 13:44-46) What do the Parables of the Hidden Treasure and Pearl of Great Price have in common? What is the main point of these parables? How should it affect our values? Our lives? Both parables are used by Jesus to indicate that to attain entry into the Kingdom of Heaven is worth inestimably more than everything we possess in this life . . . whether it be a little, as in the case of the man who finds a treasure buried in a field . . . or a lot, as in the case of the merchant who finds a pearl of great value. I notice that in both instances the finders of the valuable items go immediately and sell everything they have in order to acquire the item of great value. To both men the prize is worth surrendering everything they already have. Both men recognize a bargain when they see one, a bargain that will change their lives forever! That bargain is of course eternal life through the death and resurrection of Jesus on our behalf. So, the point of these parables is that the Kingdom of God is the ultimate prize, the goal for which we should strive and joyfully give all our earthly resources to attain. Our value system as Christians should be such that we care more for our salvation than for earthly treasure. After all, you can't take it with you when you leave this life.

First of all, I don't know anything about any "secret rapture" so I'll just answer the question as best I can. The very fact that two will be in a bed and one will be taken at exactly the same time as two will be working in the field and two will be grinding corn tells me that this event ,this "taking of believers" will happen in an instant, simultaneously, all over the world because while it's daytime on one side of the world, it's night time on the other. This, by the way, would have perplexed the people of the day who believed the earth to be flat. We have no problem understanding the simultaneity of the event but Jesus' hearers certainly wouldn't have understood. How should this affect our lives? Our testimony? Our love for our neighbors? Since we don't know when it'll happen we should be on our toes and ready just in case it's about to happen. There may be no opportunity for a deathbed confession, repentance, and acceptance of Christ, after living a life devoted to our own pleasures, wants, and needs. We're told elsewhere in Scripture to do what we can to hasten Christ's return. We're told that the Gospel will be preached to all the earth and then the end will come. We should either do the preaching ourselves or equip those who are called to do the preaching . . . the missionaries, pastors, para-church organizations, etc. I believe everyone should do a bit of preaching him/herself. Even if it's nothing more than a life lived in reverence to God that sets an example to the unsaved of how Christians conducts themselves. I doubt very much if you'll ever see me on the street corner wearing the sandwich boards and proclaiming "Repent! The end is nigh!" I honestly think that holds the name of Christ up to ridicule. What I will constantly try to do is, by God's help, live in such a way as to be a positive influence in a lost world.

We are not to be over preoccupied with our material gain and the things of this world because if we don't leave them behind on the day Christ returns we'll have them but lose our place in the Kingdom! I believe that in His typical hyperbolic way Jesus is warning us about the dangers of materialism. If we recognize the signs of His imminent return we should be prepared for it, much like the friends of the bridegroom and the handmaidens. We are to be watchful. "Lift up your heads for your salvation is at hand". Oops, just laid a king-sized guilt trip on myself there. I recently bought a new guitar. . . . Hey, if we have a possession (like a guitar) actually in our hands when Jesus comes . . . can we hang onto it or are we supposed to let it go? Just wondering . . .

Jesus's second coming will be a world-wide phenomenon, visible to everyone living on Earth at that time. The lightning allegory also indicates that it will be sudden and dramatic . . . and spontaneous, since we never know exactly when lightning is about to flash. We should be aware of the times so that we have a reasonable expectation that He will come . . . As in an electrical storm when we know there will be lightning but just not exactly when or where it will strike, so we should observe the times, signs and indicators that Jesus and the New Testament writers gave us.

In what sense was the Kingdom of God present in the Person and ministry of Jesus? Jesus's first coming began in earnest God's defeat of Satan and the establishment of His Kingdom. The Davidic kingdom was just a portent, a shadow, an earthly preview of the Messianic Kingdom. Jesus's whole preaching ministry was centered around the coming of His Kingdom. All his miracles were demonstrations of His Godly power. By gathering disciples He was laying the groundwork for the spreading of the Gospel, the good news unto salvation. The culmination of His Earthly ministry was His death and Resurrection. THAT is what defeated Satan! In accordance with the free will God has given each and every person ever born, He has delayed Christ's second coming to allow as many as possible to come into the Kingdom, as Peter tells us in one of his letters. I still get goosebumps when I read the account of Jesus in the Synagogue reading the word of the prophet concerning his coming and then saying that this passage has come true as you have heard it being read! In what sense is the Kingdom of God present today? The Kingdom of God is being advanced through the work of the believers in Jesus Christ. Every convert to Christianity brings the Second Coming that little bit closer. The Kingdom is indeed in the hearts of every Christian.

Jesus is teaching us that entering the Kingdom of God is not a passive act, like signing a dotted line, but an active vigorous endeavor that requires our full participation. We have to DO things to enter God's Kingdom. Of course Jesus made it possible for us to do those things but nevertheless it's up to us to do our part. Believe that God raised Jesus from death and actively follow Him and His teaching. Confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord. Share our faith with others. Constantly work at becoming better people through the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit. Continually turn away from our old sin-controlled lives.

If we read the whole passage we get the full picture. We are to put the concerns and our responsibilities to God's Kingdom first on our list or priorities and let God provide our everyday needs. From personal experience I can say this works. Put your offering to the Church or whatever Ministry to which you've determined to contribute first in your allocation of finances and just watch God ensure you have enough left for all your material needs. The much maligned but often very insightful Good News translation puts it thus: Your Father already knows you need these things (food clothing and shelter). We are to be in prayer firstly for the advancement of the Kingdom . . . then ask God for out material needs. That's often hard to do when the pressures of this life crowd in.

If we look into some of Jesus' sayings we get quite a shock. Consider this: If you so much as check out a sexy woman you've committed adultery with her. If you call your brother a worthless fool you're bound for the fires of hell! It's in there, look it up. There are plenty more sayings similar to these. Jesus also tells us we must be perfect like our Father in Heaven is perfect. He also tells us to be even more obedient to the Law of Moses than the scribes and the pharisees. Hyperbole? I don't know. You cannot serve God and money. Does Jesus mean that wealthy people can't serve God because they have half at least half their attention focused on keeping and increasing their wealth? That's what the passage says. I'm sure we all know of Christians who are wealthy and give large amounts of money to God's work. I reckon it's all in our attitude to wealth and possessions. Can we develop the mindset that everything we have is a gift from God and if He wants us to give it all away we have to be prepared to do just that? To really live our lives like that is extraordinarily difficult. We naturally want to keep what we've worked for. I suppose the wealthy person who built up their personal wealth from scratch would definitely begrudge giving it to someone he/she didn't consider deserving of it. This is a real can of worms.

To answer that question we have to look at another of Jesus' parables. The parable of the forgiving master. One servant owed thousands and one owed just a few dollars. Neither could repay their debts so the master forgave both debts. Jesus' question then was: Which man would have loved his master most? The answer was the one who was forgiven the most. Therefore I reckon that the Christian who has had his/her life changed the most and is the most grateful for that would likely produce much fruit. Then again, there are second and third generation Christians who grew up in loving Christian homes and really didn't have too much that needed forgiving when they asked Christ into their lives who also live extremely productive lives. It all comes down to the level of enthusiasm of the individual and the amount of Grace God gives. Some people are seemingly destined for greatness in the Kingdom and some are cannon fodder. I was in a Christian band in 1992-3. The guy who was the leader of the band blundered through life and succeeded in spite of his best efforts and it was pretty obvious that God was in control there. God caused this guy to prosper and provided for him, despite the vague and seemingly not with it way in which he stumbled through life. It was also pretty obvious to the rest of us that we were expendable. So, in the end I believe God determines who will bear much fruit and who will be used along the way in order for the fruit bearer do do that.

I really think it depends on the individual. If pleasure is your ultimate goal, then the pleasures of life can distract you and lead you astray. These days of promiscuous behavior see most people engaging in sex for sex's sake. The ready availability of recreational drugs is also a constant distraction for some. For many others it's the worries and cares of this life. Where are we gonna get the money to pay the bills? Where's my next job gonna be? Or simply . . . I don't have as much as my neighbor/brother/friend/whatever and I need to change that! Many cares and worries are quite legitimate too. There could be sickness or infirmity in the household that occupies our time. There is also genuine poverty and the phenomenon that is all too common these days called "the working poor" where family members have jobs that simply don't pay enough and are always scratching for a buck. Whichever of the above distractions and many more besides that apply to each individual are the most dangerous to that particular individual.

The ever-present worries of this life can often overwhelm people, even those who've recently had an life changing encounter with Jesus. We go home from Church or wherever and the problems are still there. The bills are piling up, or maybe the loneliness of a recent death in the family or a divorce or a relationship breakdown or a loss of employment are weighing down on the new Christian. The devil will most certainly magnify the problems, whatever they may be, so that the new Christian feels like he or she just can't cope with them . . . and the new responsibilities of serving God, and they soon grow cold and forget. Maybe the new Christian responded to a Healing service and his/her symptoms return and they quickly lose their faith before it's had time to develop. It's a sad fact that many do fall away soon after conversion. I recently came closer to The Lord after a few years of just drifting spiritually. No sooner did I re-commit than everything started to get worse. Money worries reared their ugly head and health concerns were exacerbated. Work became harder to obtain and the very act of looking for work (I'm a self-employed itinerant musician) became and all day every day time consuming activity. I know it's the devil trying to derail me again but the problems are still very real.

A penitent heart is the first step into the Kingdom of God. Can't go in without it. Baptism is the outward sign of repentance and belief in Christ as Savior. Christ simply can't reign in a heart that is unrepentant of the sins we've committed. If we hold onto our old sinful ways Christ can't be in control, which is what reigning is all about.

Water Baptism is a one time occurrence that signifies repentance. Baptism in the Holy Spirit is an ongoing process. We are told to be filled with the Holy Spirit in such a way that it is meant to be a daily renewing of our minds. I've had the laying on of hands in a Church service to be baptized in the Holy Spirit and the immediate result or reaction to that was that I felt different in a way I can't fully describe. The next morning I had more energy and felt as though everything was right with the world. One thing that didn't happen though was speaking in tongues. The minister told me that perhaps tongues would come later. So far it hasn't. I do feel in myself a certain reluctance to just "let go and let God" as the old saying goes. don't know how to overcome that. As I wrote in yesterday's post: Things happen when they're ready to happen. What could prevent me from being overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit? Many years of living a frustrated defeated life as a christian, struggling against the world and the old life. I couldn't count the number of times I've prayed my heart out to God to ask His help in living a victorious christian life and every time it was like asking the wind. I've seen people who've known the Lord only a fraction of the time I have soaring past me in terms of Spiritual development like I'm going backwards. It's just too hard to believe that this time it'll be different