First of all, I can not talk to my husband about this topic without him getting angry, hostile, and defensive at me. So I am asking for prayer and help with how to process the mindset that is approaching me. I would like to express my thoughts and be listened to without being condemed and yelled at.
My husband just confessed another instance of infedelity that occured almost a year ago. He forces me accept his behavior by yelling at me and telling me how I should react as a believer in Christ a woman of God. It seems as though he is manipulating me into feeling what he want's me to feel.
He dictates how what I should say to Him and does not want me showing any emotions of hurt.
He says that I should not always act like the victim.
When I cry or show hurt BUT I NEVER REBEL) he gets hostile and physically abuses me.
He wants to desciple me and reads the Bible and always talk about The Lord. Sometimes I think he uses it as a way to trap me into this marriage.
I have two small children with him and don't know what to think or where to go.
I am a believer in Christ but it this situation has me confused and scared.
I know my husband doesnt love me because he doesnt show that he really loves God by treating us fairly. Hes always so enthusiastic about taking our problems to The Lord and gets abusive when he sinces my confusion. He then becomes the offender and the defender at the same time. He justifies himself by saying that the real enemy is Satan. He points out that my reactions fuel his anger.
My reactions are usually crying, speaking lowly while trying to process the hypocrisy.
Along with this more pressure!!!
We are in such a financial bondage to where were are about to be evicted for non payment of rent for eight months. My husband has been unemployed for over a year and turned down for all jobs and even vocation training grants denied. We have almost no food to eat at this time and have been denied for human services financial assistance of all kinds. It's like an all out enemy attack.
My youngest baby, Hannah is 10 months old and, son Caleb is 2 years. I suffered through abuse and infedelity through both pregnancies.
I know we are under attack!!!
We had been praying for financial breakthrough when we realized that everyway we tried to support ourselves failed. I have tried e-commerce business ventures of my own as I take care of the babies, but I didn't have the start up capital and resources to support the ventures.
Sometimes I think that our prayers are just hindered because of the impure ways of my husband and his defensiveness about them.
I have prayed and appreciate the closer relationship that I have with God through Jesus, and now all this new confession of old sins that my husband committed has startled me.
I know that Jesus is here with me in the storm and that he will deliver me.
I pray for fear not to overtake me because my lack of partnership with my husband is so overwhelming.
My husband and I have such wonderful and amazingly huge agendas, visions, and missions to contribute to The Body of Christ with no finanancial resources to back them. We pray and pray every day all through out the day to The Holy Spirit For Guidance & Wisdom.
This is harder than I though it would be. Serving Jesus in the midst of the partner that you serve him with being disrespectful and abusive!
Even now my husband tells me to look up to God. He tells me to look past my feelings. I know that the Bible says this, but it is difficult especially when your mentor is the defender.
I think that If I leave my husband then it will help him because I won't compel him to commit adultery. If I don't live up to being honored and cherished and don't deal with things spiritually enough for him then I think I need to leave.
PLEASE PRAY WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRAY IN THE SPIRIT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WITH THE ANOINTING OF THE LORD, PLEASE PRAY INTO MY SPIRIT PEACE AND A SOUND MIND!!!!
