Christian Articles Archive
Why Wait?
A Case for Chastity
by Dr. Ralph F. Wilson
Print this Page
Free Email Bible Study 
Life of Jacob
Why wait to have sex?
Now before you get all your defenses up, let me tell you a story.
I can still remember the screeching of tires out in front of our
apartment. My wife looked around for our toddler and then rushed
outside. There he was in the middle of the boulevard, safe and
sound, oblivious to the fact that a two ton car had come very
close to splattering him across the pavement. Small wonder parents
say, "No, no, no," and slap our little hands and build
fences with locked gates. Small wonder.
Why wait to have sex until you're married? Is God some kind of
cosmic spoil-sport who always says no to fun things? No, but he's
a Father, and he's seen too many of his beloved children end up
broken from playing in the street. Parents have reasons--good
reasons--for saying no.
If God were on the earth in the 90s, and you asked him why, he'd
probably give you lots of excellent reasons. Let's try to figure
out a few.
Awesome Link
Why wait? Because sex is the awesome link human beings have to
creating other human beings. Sex is awesome, when you think about
it. There's always the chance that from a coupling a child will
come to be. You know, the miracle of tiny, little grasping fingers
and a red, scrunched up face, and all the parts that work. Babies
come from sex. And since we place such a high value on human
life, then we don't degrade or devalue what causes human life.
We guard and protect it. We build fences around it for the sake
of babies. Cute, vulnerable babies.
Oh, yes, I've heard about birth control. But I also know that
one fifth of the babies born to Anglo mothers in this country
don't have married parents. I also know that one out of every
four babies conceived in this country ends up aborted, unwanted.
Yes, I know about birth control, and I know that it isn't an adequate
fence to keep children from getting hurt in the street.
So if I were God, I probably say, wait until you're married because
sex causes babies, and babies do better with two parents who love
each other and love their baby.
Condoms
Condoms are the rage these days. Why? To protect against pregnancy?
I suppose, though they're said to be only 70% effective. But
the real reason is that condoms are touted as the key to "safe
sex." AIDS is now moving into the heterosexual population,
and you can be infected and not have symptoms you recognize for
years. So can your sex partner, for that matter. Scary. So,
if you wear a condom, you protect yourself against AIDS. Seventy
percent of the time, maybe. (HIV is much tinier than sperm, they
say). There is another way to protect yourself. Get yourself
tested for HIV and have your sex partner get tested, and then
only have sex only with each other. Monogamy? Marriage? Hmm
... Sounds like something God might suggest.
Divorce
When people go to the county courthouse to get a marriage license
it's terrifying to find out that for every 100 people are getting
married, 50 people may be getting a divorce. Why get married,
people ask, if the chances of failure are so high? So people
live together. They don't usually say, "Let's live together
and if we like it we'll get married," but they're probably
thinking it--at least the women are. We'll try it out, they tell
themselves, and if we don't get along, we can always get out of
this without getting hurt so badly. Right.
Do "trial marriages" really improve your chance of a
lasting marriage? I wanted to find out so I spent an afternoon
in a university library looking up the results of sociological
studies. Do you know what I found? Out of a dozen studies, all
said living together didn't improve prospects for a lasting marriage,
and several found that people who had lived together before marriage
had a worse chance of a lasting marriage than those who waited.
I guess God must have studied sociology somewhere along the line.
Kids Aren't Stupid
I remember a young mother--Cynthia, I'll call her-- whose husband
left her for someone new. She was devastated, but tried to make
the best of it with her two beautiful children. Then Cynthia
fell in love with a man she would never marry--he didn't share
her values. But she needed someone to love her and hold her.
And so he moved into her apartment one day. I understand why
Cynthia did it, but I grieve for her children. What is she teaching
them about marriage? What is she teaching them about commitment?
When they're old enough to be swept along on the tides of passion,
can she ever say to them, "Wait"? Not convincingly.
Kids's aren't stupid. Just vulnerable. Like Cynthia, only more
so.
Test Drive
"I'm scared," a woman considering marriage once told
me. "I've never married a man I didn't sleep with first.
What if ..." She didn't finish the sentence, but I knew what
she meant. What if he's not good in bed? You wouldn't buy a
car you haven't taken for a test drive, would you? When you're
shopping for cars you go to lots all over town and try scores
of cars before you fall in love with "that special car."
Cars don't mind. In fact, cars do well getting broken in for
the first 500 miles or so. It doesn't matter who drives them
so long as they're good drivers.
Yes, but cars aren't people. Sex is not a casual joyride. Our
sexuality is part of our core personhood. It's not a game, it's
for real. The Bible says it this way: "Do you not know
that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in
body? For it is said, `The two will become one flesh.'"[1]
When we pretend that sex is just an animal instinct that must
be fulfilled, we get messed up in our core identity. Sex is part
of the real us, and when we keep giving away the real us we end
up empty.
Biological sexual function isn't the thing you want to worry about.
It works just fine. It's personhood that matters.
Cars thrive on speed. People are intricately made. And fragile.
People are like delicate porcelain bells that ring with a clear,
distinct tone unless they fall and crack. Handle with care, God
would probably say we were talking to him today.
No and Yes
Yes, God would say, wait. But now you realize that he's not just
being an old fuddy-duddy. He's saying wait because he loves you,
because the chances of anything else working out without hurting
you--and your partner--aren't worth taking. But I didn't wait,
maybe you respond. What about me? I have been hurt. I am messed
up in my head. I have sinned, I guess you'd say. How would God
treat me if he knew? (If he knew? you ask?) We have a window
into God's compassion when we look at Jesus. One day his enemies
brought him a woman they had surprised in the very act of adultery.
What punishment does she deserve? they sneered at him, trying
to trick him into getting caught between compassion and law.
Jesus paused--a long pause. And then he looked up at those angry,
self- righteous men. "Let the one of you who is without
sin throw the first stone at her," he said. One by one,
they faded into the crowd until they were all gone. Then Jesus
looked up at the woman with deep compassion in his eyes. "I
don't condemn you," he said gently. "You can go now,
and ... and don't sin any more."[2] No to what hurts you,
but an affirming yes to the real you. Jesus understands. Jesus
forgives and gives you a second chance and a third and a fourth.
And he heals life's hurts. Jesus, you know, is God.
So parents still put up fences next to busy streets, and say, "No, no," and watch out so their children don't
get hurt. Old fashioned? Perhaps. The good kind of old
fashioned. The wise kind. Wait.
[1] 1 Corinthians 6:16, NIV
[2] John 8:1-11, paraphrase
Copyright © 1985-2009 Ralph F. Wilson. <pastor
joyfulheart.com> All rights reserved. A single copy of this article is free. Do not put this on a website. See legal, copyright, and reprint information.
Christmas Incarnation
