Q3. 'Motherly' Disciple-Making

[Krissi]

Why are “motherly” nurturing qualities so important to growing disciples? How effectively can male disciplers adopt some of these traits?

To me, at least, these are not female and male characteristics. I do see differentiation in personality/abilities by gender, but not in the ability to watch over and encourage younger believers. In this, both females and males have their place and role. 

We seem to mentor individuals of our own gender, but not always. I've been deeply moved by the words of men, perhaps more so than that of women -- yes, I'm a woman. Most of the books I've read that have deeply influenced me were written by men. I have no problem with this.

There's a sexual/emotional dimension of mentoring, however, that may come into play when mentoring someone who could potentially be attractive, so women who "mother" men and men who "mother" women could be vulnerable in this regard. There's a wisdom, then, in mentoring people of same gender. I also think that mentoring/mothering new disciples is best done by older women and men, not peers.

 

[JMK1319]

Growth comes often through encouragement and nurture as well as discipline.  Deep relationships only come through vulnerability.  We can’t truly encourage or support unless we have that depth of sharing.  The enduring love of a mother is sacrifice and unconditional care.  It’s this backdrop which allows others to drop their guard so that deep caring and concern is even possible.  Others may not remember what you said.  They will remember how you treated them.

Although women tend to exhibit nurturing traits more naturally as a rule, I think we need to be careful of making character strengths gender specific. Some women are nurturers.  Others are devoid of it.  Gentleness, care, and kindness are both a personality tendency and a skill developed at times through suffering and pain irrespective of gender.  No one can relate to a patient with cancer like someone who has experienced it.  Our empathy is defined by our experiences.  And it is the sharing of those experiences which comforts  not the experiences themselves.  Sharing  generally is more difficult for men but I believe it is absolutely attainable.