Seeking His Face Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? They feel inferior, unlovable, slighted, jealous etc. Yes it did. I find my healing in the Lord Jesus Christ, that good work he has started in me he will finish. By seeing them all as gifts from God, a blessing to us as parents. Enjoy the specialness of each of them, be sensitive to there strengths and weakness. And just love your children unconditionally like our Father in heaven does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stan Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? They become withdrawn and spend time away from family and feel better with friends than family. Yes, to some extent I was a middle child and felt that I wasn't loved as much as my brother and sister although this wasn't true it seemed so to me at the time. I am afraid that I did the same with my own children though at the time I didn't realize it. I am trying to make amends a little at a time. I allow them to speak their minds to me and see that I am trying to change and with the help of God then I will make it and they can learn a better way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patriciaa Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? This could cause jealousy, envy and poor self-esteem. Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? No, I feel our parents loved all of us. How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Parents can value each child Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delivered Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? I think it would be very hurtful if one child was Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? I think all my kids have probably felt that way one time or another. When I have detected that I have made efforts to communicate my love in one way or another. I had one who pushed my buttons (not to hard to do sometimes) so I didn't spend as much time with that one. When it was voiced to me, I spent more time with that one as I realized the effects of my actions. I felt many times growing up especially as a middle child that I was not loved as much. I was rebellious but it made knowing the Lord when that happened all the more sweet. He grows sweeter every day. Each of my kids has such wonderful personalities. It makes loving them as individuals such an adventure. I learn so much from them including how I have related to the Lord. By how they relate to me I often see how I am responding to Him as my Heavenly Father. God Bless! Jen Numbers 6:24-26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hanks Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Being a parent is not the easiest task in the world. Even the godliest parents are imperfect. While there are solid principles for parents in the Bible, it requires a lot of wisdom and prayer. The one thing never to do is show favouritism to any child. We must love each child equally, but this does not mean we treat each one identically. As a father to three sons, I know that each one of my sons is different and therefore are treated with love differently. We are to study each child and bring out the best in each one; and ultimately help each one to get to know our Lord Jesus. Fortunately I never experienced any discrimination when growing up. Being the eldest I was out of the home first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haar Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 When one child discovers that other children are loved more than him, he develops an attitude of hostilty and jealousy to the others who are loved more than him. He could also develope hateful attitude to the parents. He may withdraw to himself and could join some bad guys. I did not experience discrimination when I was growing. As humans, we find it difficult to love every child equally. We tend to react according to the attitude of each child. Thus a child that is well behaved will be shown more love than the others who are not so good to the parents. However, we can go to God to give us the grace and the ability to love as He does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janel Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Q5 As human, children tend to be jealous and when comparison and favouritism are stressed, these may lead to resentment which resulted in conflict. Yes, I am sure in every household this tend to happen and it will be a big headache if they have a big family. This is the process of growing up. If we study and go through in depth 'the Parable of the Prodigal Son' and understand the part of each character carefully we can come to have terms with each other. We need inner healing if situation is beyond control and should encourage family prayers together. It is said that "a family who prays together stays together." God will guide our steps in whatever part we are in. We need God, we cannot be so proud as to say we can stand on our own. God created each individual in a unique way, one different from the other. No two can be the same. Each child has his/her own talent and gifts from God. In order to live a happy family life it is the duty of the parents to unite the children together and show love equally with no comparisons and favouritism. It is easier said than done especially when one child has his/her mood and is temperamental and would demands more attention. We need to dialogue more and spend quality time with our children so that we can understand them better. The Holy Family (Jesus, Mary and Joseph) is a good model to imitate and get their blessings and guidance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quilter Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 I was one of eight kids and none was treated the same. I grew up in a home that love and church was not important. I have three kids and tell them daily I love them. I do not think you can treat each kid can be treated the same They have different needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charisbarak Posted January 23, 2010 Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 It makes me feel uncomfortable if & when one of my 4 children feel that way. I try to go out of my way to shower love on them equally, though it is hard because of the different personalities & needs they have. I may have felt a little less loved than my sister at times, but my parents did the best they could. I was a brat. Healing took place when I placed my faith in Jesus. He healed my hurts and enables me to love my children as equally as I am able. Jesus is the answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Ballard Posted January 23, 2010 Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? When children see a father and mother love them unequally, they receive a message that God sees them in a priority system also. When a father and a mother seek a holy spirit lifestyle, equality becomes available and children see their parents united with a trinity who is "for them." this releases an example for future generations and a pattern which removes the generational curse of a parent electing a child over another. the father is the example for the wife, when he exhibits that he is fully accepted by God and his wife, children have the same opportunity, he has fulfilled a major part of being spirit head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissioned Posted January 23, 2010 Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? When your children sense that you love one child more than another it causes jealousy and bitterness. Such hurt could negatively affect both children through adulthood. Growing up such discrimination did not manifest in our home. Parents should love their children equally even when for reasons you may appreciate the gifting and abilities of one over another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kings Kid Posted January 24, 2010 Report Share Posted January 24, 2010 Q5. 28 And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob. Gen 25:28 (KJV) Q5. What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? http:/www.joyfulheart.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=927 When a child senses that you love one child more than another they are threatened, insecure and afraid. They either dissolve into the back ground or stand their ground and fight to win the attention back. I think in every household there is a time when there is discrimination. Siblings are always out to win the vote of Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nina Posted January 24, 2010 Report Share Posted January 24, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? I believe it causes tension and strife when children sense you love one child more than another. I believe this is one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make. It can make a child feel worthless or give a false sense of superiority. It is the cause of a lot of domestic violence. I am thankful this was not the case in my family. To love our children equally but differently means we have to consider their capabilities and treat each child as an individual. Children do not have the same strengths and weaknesses even in the same family. We have to show love, concern, and appreciation for each unique quality a child possesses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pearl Posted January 24, 2010 Report Share Posted January 24, 2010 Yes, this happened to me when I was growing up and it took me until I was in my 40's to overcome it. I know that my mother loved me and some things people are just ignorant about. I did the same thing to two of my children and did not face it at the time. Although I went to church, I did not serve God, but now I have a relationship with God and I know that it takes a relationship with God in order for us to be more aware of what is going on in our lives and in our children lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
israel Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Favoritism is much more than sin.But we see how God worked out to execute his purpose through favoritism in the family.I understand that favoritism is sin and I also absoulutely understand that God is always Righteous, Perfect, and Sovereign .It is moving ..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
israel Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Favoritism is much more than sin.But we see how God worked out to execute his purpose through favoritism in the family.I understand that favoritism is sin and I also absoulutely understand that God is always Righteous, Perfect, and Sovereign .It is moving ..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Posted January 27, 2010 Report Share Posted January 27, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Jealously happens between the children Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gann Posted January 27, 2010 Report Share Posted January 27, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? This can break the child's spirit and cause him/her to become rebellious and do things he/she shouldn't to get the attention he/she thinks is missing. Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? No If so, how are you finding healing? I feel this can only come from the Holy Spirit. How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? We must understand that all children are different in some ways and therefore we must allow each one work in their own ways and equally praise each for their accomplishments. Not expecting each one to do the same task equally but understand their ability. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nurselaino Posted January 28, 2010 Report Share Posted January 28, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Gen 25:28 Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob. This question and answer hits extremely close and personal. Together my husband and I have 9 children with a wide wide age range...11-35...I will tell you that it is very difficult to make sure that one child does not feel left out or unloved. We have 4 remaining at home. They all differ so much in their needs from extremely needy to be very much a loner. What we as parents have to make sure is that we don't get caught up with the neediest children and neglect the loner..we have to make sure that they all understand that they are special to us and we try our best to hand out our time wisely. Arguing among each other escalates when one thinks the other is getting more love or attention. Also that is where we see bad behavior increase as it requires our attention. I grew up in a step family, my mother and me and my stepfather and my sister. And that is exactly how it was. The family was very plainly divided though my parents would deny that. My sister and I tried so hard to be sisters and friends but it was like our parents were pitting us against one another. My sister was 4 yrs older and labeled as the "good one". She could do no wrong and I could do no right. My mother was very hard on her and my step father really had nothing to do with me. As children the two of us went through a lot and I would consider her my best friend but this friendship has not been easy. The death of my step father brought about the separation of my sister and my mother...which sadly also brought about the separation between us. Both of us were to stubborn to give in. There would be brief "calls"...when my mother died, when my husband died and when my son died but there was no real in depth healing until just this year. Out of the blue on the internet my daughter was contacted and it was my sister...she was hoping that I would talk with her. Praise God an answer to prayer as I had lost contact of where she was...we cried...went over the past and accepted what happened happened but that we had to much to share to let it all go...so this year there has been healing. I have learnt so much from the mistakes made in my past. I promised myself that my family would never be divided as mine was. Now being a step-mother I realize how difficult that can be at times but with the Lord and with constant checking of oneself it can be done. What I have learned is that each child is so different and has to be handled differently. God created us all as individuals and what works with one child may or may not work with another. And I dont care what any parent says we have different feelings about each of our children. Not that we dont love them. We love them all unconditional but there will be certain things that seem to bring them closer to us. We love each one in their own way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leihaynes Posted January 28, 2010 Report Share Posted January 28, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? 1. What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? I makes them feel like they are not loved as much as the other. It makes them feel like they did something wrong. It makes them hate the favored one. It can bring a lot of pain upon the unfavored one throughout his/her life. 2. Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? Yes. My brothers were favored over my sister and I. I knew it was wrong and at times I was upset. But growing in the word of God helped the dilemma. I believed staying close to God carried me through those times. Because I did not become bitter and dwell on those issues. I did say that when I become a parent that I would teach my children about God's unconditional love for us. As a parent I continue to show that love by the standards of God's word. As a result my boys have never experienced favoritism. 3. How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? I find it very important to live by God's standards. It is the only way to be equally fair. Therefore, that very teaching is extended to others as well. When your children see you applying the same rule's to others including yourself. They are not likely to be jealous and harbor resentment. Because of applying God's standards you are able to recognize God's amazing gifts he bestows on each child and are able to love them for the way God has created them. Make no mistake about it as parents we are not perfect but understanding God's word will always guide us to making wiser choices and will convict us when we're wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaA827 Posted January 29, 2010 Report Share Posted January 29, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? they become jealous of one another and if not gotten under control they will become bitter and hate one another. not too much. my parents were indifferent towards us. it was like they were okay if we were there and okay if we weren't. i didn't hear the words i love you until i was grown and they were on their death bead. i believe acceptance is key. it wasn't that they didn't love me. i know deep in my heart that they did. they just weren't good at showing affection. possibly because their parents didn't show affection towards them... you know, learned behavior. i love my parents with my whole heart and soul. i have taken the necessary steps to make sure i didn't make the same mistakes with my own children. as a parent i look for the strengths in my children. i spend equal amount of time with them individually. and even tho they are grown with families of their own we still find time on a regular basis to get together. they love home cooked meals and we love gathering around the table for meals. grownups and children alike look forward to coming to see momma and dad. i have found facebook to be a great way to bridge the gap with our son who moved away to iowa. the boys play video games on xbox live together on a regular basis. he also plays with his little nephew. some people don't see video games as a good thing. i believe that it's a good way to bridge the gap. good stuff. loving unconditionally is key:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddog Posted January 29, 2010 Report Share Posted January 29, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Jealousy rears its ugly head, resulting in tormoil, fighting, disrepect shown to parents and others. Can't say that it did. However, on the other hand, I'd have to admit this that I could get things from my parents when my siblings couldn't. That happened because I chose the time to ask when the seeds had been planted. We can love our children equally when we are honest and share with our children. Somethings older children get are not something younger ones should have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig Posted January 30, 2010 Report Share Posted January 30, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Favoring one child over the other(s) often causes emotional distress, hurt and pain; an inferiority complex; rebellion; acting out destructive behavior for attention -- it can kill a child emotionally and/or physically over time. It can cause dysfunction within a family ultimately destroying the family. I have not experienced parental discrimination in my own life, however I have pastored many of all ages who have experienced it as well as parental abuse. In loving each of my children, I recognize their differences in personality. But, I love them as a father the same. I have five children, but each of the five have only one biological father. I owe it to each of them to love them where they are at. I think God does something that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig Posted January 30, 2010 Report Share Posted January 30, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Favoring one child over the other(s) often causes emotional distress, hurt and pain; an inferiority complex; rebellion; acting out destructive behavior for attention -- it can kill a child emotionally and/or physically over time. It can cause dysfunction within a family ultimately destroying the family. I have not experienced parental discrimination in my own life, however I have pastored many of all ages who have experienced it as well as parental abuse. In loving each of my children, I recognize their differences in personality. But, I love them as a father the same. I have five children, but each of the five have only one biological father. I owe it to each of them to love them where they are at. I think God does something that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.