Pastor Ralph Posted November 12, 2009 Report Share Posted November 12, 2009 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vincent Paul DiMino Posted January 16, 2010 Report Share Posted January 16, 2010 Jesus gave us the answer to this question when he said that anyone who loves his family (or anything else) more than they love him,can not serve him,and anyone who does not serve Jesus,does not have true love to give.Favoritism,in the family,or the church,must be resisted for the evil that it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iam4-1god Posted January 16, 2010 Report Share Posted January 16, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? This is a difficult concept, and one that I still struggle with, even though my children are grown. Each one has different needs, and this causes problems. One needs more of this and the other needs more of something else. Even now I hear, " You love them more than me!" I grew up in an abusive house, and I promised myself that I would not make the mistakes that my parents made. It didn't matter. I still get accused of favoritism! If someone can tell me where the line is, I will be most grateful! My healing came in finding Jesus, and allowing Him to do the fixing. I came to terms with my parents problems, and why they did what they did. And, the Spirit of God helped me to understand why my children are so jealous of each other...just like the two we just studied! Each one clammering for more than the other. Greed and misunderstanding-unwillingness to compromise and/or share. Human nature at it's finest! God help us to see things for what they really are! Remove the "self" veil and replace it with love and compassion for others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia A. Conti Posted January 16, 2010 Report Share Posted January 16, 2010 First off, let me apologize for referring all through this tho Rachel and not Rebekkah. There is a difference in how you love your children. That is not the same as how much you love your children. I have several children. I love them all with my life. However, they are different and have different needs. I love my children, each one, in according to what they need. My children have accused me of loving one child more than the others - but the name of that child (or really who that child is) is not consisten throughout. Each child has been accused of being loved more than the rest at one time or another. How a person percieves a situation is not necessarily what the situation is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Standing On the Rock Posted January 16, 2010 Report Share Posted January 16, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? A5. Low or no self esteem, rejection, envy, jealousy, bitterness and rebellion are all symptoms of children who feel their siblings are loved more or are getting more attention than they themselves are. Often children never get over the feeling of discrimination. Perhaps as adults, they learn to accept it, as they realize their parents are but human beings. Children less fortunate become adults with unsteady emotions, feelings of emptiness, and find they themselves unable to be a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bro Steven Posted January 17, 2010 Report Share Posted January 17, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? My children have not gone through this. On the other hand I have, and it was hard then and now it is even harder, my brother and sister have nothing to do with my parents now but growing up they were the spoiled ones and I was the black sheep. Now with my parents in the nursing home I am the only one that takes care of them. Due to this I will not teat one above the other both are equal to another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hidi Posted January 17, 2010 Report Share Posted January 17, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Jealousy happens when a parent favors one child over the other. I didn't really live with that growing up. My sister and I were seven years apart so we each had our own times with our parents. Both of my parents were only children, so some of the rules were hard, but as a whole I didn't feel jealousy with my sister. Part of loving your children equally is recognizing that they are different people. Each one of my boys and good qualities and weaknesses that were different. You love them both equally, but because each child is different you as a parent love them differently. I didn't compare my sons to each other, because they are entirely different people with different interests, goals and personalities. I think sometimes parents expect each child to follow in the footsteps of their other siblings or even their parents not recognizing that children are individuals. Even when you are careful I think children naturally think the other child is favored. It may be our basic human nature to always think someone is getting more than we are. i remember having to put exactly the same amount in each boys glass so that we could be sure they had equal amounts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope4all Posted January 18, 2010 Report Share Posted January 18, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? We see some of what happens in this study.Envy,rebellion,and hatred.There is a reason why favoritism and flattery should not be a part of Christian character.Esau was jealous that Jacob received his birth right and blessing.Esau rebelled against his parents and married Hittite women.And Esau hated Jacob to the point that he wanted to kill him.They probably both felt unloved and unwanted,at times.Yes this happened to me and when my brother passed,and latter when I became a Christian,I was able to understand sin and forgive.Although my parents still do not see it that way.Parents can love their children equally but differently by realizing that their child is a precious gift from God.Each child has feelings,emotions, and desires to be loved and please their parents.Family is a tremendous gift.Do things that don't separate children and parents.Less television!More one on one,two on two,etc.Read the Bible with your children.Show the application to God's living Word,pray with them.All of this daily.Find a good Bible teaching church.Hang out with true believers.Love them unconditionally,encourage them,and let them know when they are wrong they are sinning against God as well.Don't give your child a death sentence after every wrong they commit.Teach them consequences for all their actions good and bad.A parents walk does much,so that the talk should match the walk.God Bless parents,and the difficult job they have to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
studybug52 Posted January 18, 2010 Report Share Posted January 18, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? When children sense one is loved more than another there is competition, arguements, and alot of times seperation and break up of unity of the family. Unless the parent can give attention to each sibling in diffrent ways. Finding the needed area of which to give attention to each. Then giving a little extra attention to one of the children is not as harmfull as long as each child gets some positive attention at some of the times you interact. What is most harmfull is ignoring a child and giving a host of attention to others. I grew up the eldest of 10 and yes there seemed at timues that there was some of this but not intentional. There were a couple of children who did very well in certain areas be it scholarly, beauty contests or other areas there was emphesis on these individuals. At times. The sister just below me got A's all along and won contests and had to write compositions which she was awarded for. I was slightly jealous of her attention but then I did not put effort into school at that time as she did. I loathed school and she loved school. I don't think any two parents could give l0 children the required attention to form a relationship. they only could attempt a good relationship with some of them. Both Mom and Dad worked alot. Dad most of the time doing his job and moonlighting with another. Mom being home started helping income with wedding cakes she did in the late evennings and then she progressed to house keeping/ bsbysitting for other women/ cafateria head cook. Leaving me to be step mom at home. It all went to my being home where I feel the two just under me should have been given some responsibility. But that is all water over the bridge and life has gone on. I met my savior and that is in the past. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pickledilly Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Thankfully, I never felt I was loved "less" than any of my siblings. So I don't know firsthand how that would affect a child. We certainly see the problems it created between Esau and Jacob, with their anger, jealousy, bitterness, lack of respect for each other, competitiveness. And I think it would cause the child who feels less loved to feel inferior, have lower self-esteem, and perhaps leery of fully giving love. It's simply a guarantee of serious conflict and hurt feelings that can last a lifetime. As a parent, I do know that children can be/should be loved equally. I love both my children with all my heart. But also differently in some ways, I think, because each child is different in personality, emotional makeup, and needs. What looked like unfair favoritism to them at times was most often simply a difference in how I had to respond according to their unique personalities. It could be that one child demonstrates love more easily than another, or is more compliant. That's an easy personality to love! And every child doesn't have the identical "love language", or natural inner characteristic of how to express/receive love. So you must learn your child and how to deal with each one. We have to also remember there are sometimes practical relational distinctions. There might be some tiny difference toward that very first child because of the newness and complete wonder of the experience. Or maybe after 3 boys, you finally have a girl. But we must always consider that each child is a special purposed creation of God and a gift to us. This is motivation to love and handle each child equally but different according to those unique qualities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieAnn Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Shouts of "its not fair" and "how come they get more than me?" shake through the house. These are the results of parenting more than one child. While there are tremendous blessings that come with having several children probably the one blessing that comes from having only one is that you never have to feel the guilt as a parent that you are showing favoritism. But we are human. We have likes and dislikes and there are people we like and don't like. We love our children but we don't like them equally. We struggle with this every day. But it is critical that each child know they are loved without exception, for who they are. We are to shine for Christ every day and our primary ministry is the children we are blessed to raise. It is so easy to love someone we genuinely like. But love is not always easy. And if you have a child that you don't seem to have anything in common with, or their personality just clashes with yours, that is a little tougher. But Jesus loved everyone. And we are to do the same. Each child needs to be treasured and cherished for who they are and for how God is creating them. Growing up there was obvious favoritism in our house. There were 5 kids and I was in the middle. There were a lot of hurt feelings and they continued through our adult lives. When I took the walk with Christ, I forgave my parents and just love them for who they are. It is not that they did not love me. I was a strong willed child and I am sure, difficult to handle each day. Impatient, impulsive, very chatty, I know I must have gotten on their nerves. hmmmm who do I sound like. Peter? But my parents loved me and they love me today. I try very hard not to show favoritism to my kids. I challenge myself every day to just love them for who they are and to let them know they are super special. But it is a challenge and I could not manage it without God's help every day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smurf1948 Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Theres resentment,frustration.ill feelings etc. I never had this growing up. You have to show them you love them for who they are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okno Posted January 20, 2010 Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 It is a little bit frustrating for both children - the more loved as it feels that something is not correct and for the less loved as it is discriminated and in the background. On the other hand, the more loved child, if it has bad character, could misused such a situation for own gain or if it has better character to utilise own influence to lower the impacts of unequal approach of parents to their children. I have experienced it, I was more loved by my father then my sister and it was frustrating for me, sometimes I have profited from it, sometimes I tried to help my sister. I try to have the same approach to my children having in mind mistakes of my parents, but surely, I am making another mistakes. Important for me is to support both children equally in their interests, to help them to develop their different skills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
masika Posted January 20, 2010 Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Partiality of parents towards their children is a fruitful source of manifold evils, and will be conscientiously avoided by all who duly regard the comfort and welfare of their families. This was bad on the part of both parents. Favoritism ought to be avoided, for nothing but discontent and ill feeling can come of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 I have been very blessed, for my parents loved all 4 of us children equally, and I followed by loving all three of my children equally. We still had our ups and downs as is common in all family life, but we are all 'there' for each other. God bless. Love Greta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sallymander Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Even the appearance of loving one child more than another can cause serious jealousy and rebellion to develop. My situation growing up was so different from everyone I knew. I am the youngest (by many years) to 3 siblings. My family did many things together when my siblings were young Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imastartu Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? My parents had 4 children (2 boys and 2 girls)--two of whom were named for my father's parents and two of whom were named for my mother's parents.We became known as "YOUR son" and "YOUR daughter". To make it worse, my sister was very pretty and I was not. I did not resent my siblings for the obvious favoritism, but I did resent my mother and wondered what I had done to make her not love me (as much). As a result, I grew up craving recognition and doubting my worth. I know intellectually that Jesus loves me, but it remains a struggle at times to feel worthwhile. It is a lifelong process. I also had two girls, one much prettier as a child. They are both striking women now, and both successful in their fields, but the elder (who had to listen to others constantly comment on her pretty sister) suffers in much the same way as I. I would say to spend quality time with each child and comment on and praise their distinct qualities and gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion of Grace Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 When children sense that one is loved more than the other, jealousy will always spring up. In my home as a child, some of my brothers and sisters (7 in all) were considered very smart and even tested for genius IQ's! I was the first "normal" child and was really often refered to as the stupid one. The black sheep. In reality I was not, but came to live that out as I was emotionally beaten into believing it! I really didn't think there was any hope for me and I was some kind of mistake! I carried it all my life (with disasterous results) until some years ago when I was saved and was nurtured, loved and accepted by God, who assured me I was who He created me to be and was fearfully and wonderfully made. I came to be content in that! I let go of anger and jealousy and status quo and became much stronger in not believing what everyone else says! When I had my own three children, I desired to help them discover who God had created them to be and though similar in ways, each has their own area they stand out in. I love each the same but nurture in different ways. I found when jealousy springs up over one getting more attention than the other in any particular thing, that open communication helps the most. I remind the one who feels slighted for the moment of the special care he/she received in the past week also and ask them to have compassion for the one who has a greater need for that moment. That seems to bring things in perspective for them. All in all though, each child needs to know and be reminded that who they are and are created to be is OK. Especially the ones who may have gifts or personalities that society does not see as most noteworthy....but God will use in very special ways if they are nurtured to be content in who they are and to serve God all their lives being who He made them to be. Great or small or both....all in one lifetime! Now I have a grandaughter who is giving all kinds of clues in what she is interested in and what her gentle personality shows she will be. I love watching her unfold her beauty as God reveals His masterpiece in her! It's so wonderful to nurture her too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cynthia Wilson Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? I did grow up in a home that favortism was shown toward particular children. Well, I was a third child and the first female child in our family. My oldest brother sensed that he wasn't getting all the attention he desired and I received the negative effects of his behavior as I got older. I didn't understand as a child why he didn't care for me, all I knew was he disliked me. Favortism is still shown toward other siblings, but I'm an adult and realize that as a believer I have the greatest love of all from my heavenly Father. It doesn't bother me, I love my parents dearly. We can love our children equally by expressing genuine affirmations of their character and the things they do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnus Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 As parents we need to recognize that our children are different Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanMary Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? My children know they are loved equally, though they have some occasional tension...one thinks the other is smarter than the other. I've talked to the one who feels slighted in the intelligence dept. about how God created each one of us as individuals with the gifts, intelligence and personality to accomplish His will and purpose for us in this life, and that He has predestined works for each one to do, which He has equipped us to do with His help. I noticed in Scripture that when Jacob loved Joseph more than the other children, they were so jealous that they did away with Joseph, rather than directing their anger toward Jacob. Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? No, we were all abused, neglected about the same. My oldest brother had polio in high school, was in an iron lung but after a long recovery, could walk again. Naturally he got more attention than the rest of us, but we were all yearning for him to be healed so there was no jealousy of him. If so, how are you finding healing? My healing began at age 30, when I met Jesus! It has been a long, slow building of trust in Him. I read this verse at the beginning of my walk, which showed me we were in covenant and the restoration began: "Although my father and mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up (adopt me as His child.)" Eventually, I forgave them, grieved "what was, and what was not", realized they were unloved, and couldn't give what they hadn't received, and grieved for their lives. How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? I've tried to take their personalities into consideration and to really listen and hear them, and to affirm who they are, and their gifts. We spend time differently because one is a son and one is a daughter, and they have different needs, but both know they are loved unconditionally and accepted as they are. I never heard from either parent nor from grandparents that I was loved....I tell my children everytime we speak that I love them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elwood C O'Dell Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Children are well aware of how they are loved. If one child is loved more than another it can and often does cause serious problems in the home. Thank God this was not the case in our home. We were loved for who we were. This is the secret as to how parents should love their children. They are equally created by the Father in the womb and should be loved as He loves them with unconditional love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WALT39 Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? There will be resentment between the children and unfortunately this could carry onto their children. Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? I had an older sister and I never felt that either of my parents favored her over me. How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? My wife and I always tried to avoid showing favoritism. Each one of our three children (2 daughters and a son) had their own special qualities in which we cherished and celebrated. Sibling rivalry did exist, but we believe that is something that exists in every family. Our three children are now grown and have families, and they do tell us now that we were a very stabling influence in their lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryj Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryj Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 I came from a large family where there was favortism...I had asked my brothers and sisters to let me know if my mother went to the hospital that I could go and I was not told she was in the hospital for three days and had passed away...I was so hurt..Idid not have the chance like the others to say goodby...I remembered about the peace of God that passess all understanding and I rested in those words...When I went to the funeral, I felt I was surrounded by peace...The bible canbe read over and over, but it is more than just a book, it is God's word that is true and it comforts, encorages, even rebukes and we acan stand on His word...His promises are sure...There will be many disappointments in this life, wheter it be family or anyone, but I know for sure, Our Lord is above it all and through Him we can rise above it.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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